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Okay everyone you all should know (because you are a bad blogger, social media guru, author, wife, oh I almost forgot even better a BAD human if you don’t keep up with a million posts, birthdays, anniversaries, moms, dads, aunts…Oh you get the point!)
Anywhoooooo, you may know it is me and my husbands twenty fifth anniversary, today! Yes, November 13 we were married on Friday the 13th!! Because it is my lucky day, if that freaks you out, you might want to stop reading this particular post. Why? You ask? You see my dear friend this won’t be a tribute to how wonderful the past 25 years have been and how he is my hero! But rather a few funny things that enter my mind when you are celebrating your twenty fifth anniversary! with another human. That human who began with you on a journey full of lust, more lust, more sex, and YES EVEN MORE SEX! So keep reading, if you so dare because I am on a roll this morning in paradise and you never know what is going to come out of these fingers 😉!
My first thought of the morning is, on this marvelous anniversary is, get up early so I can clean up and smell good and feel all rarrrrr sexy!!! Mmmmm I am feeling frisky!!! HOLD UP!!! Were you actually about to believe that horse sh_t (Look, I know people cuss and actually in an ‘adult environment I am kind of bad with a couple of my favorites! However, some of the people who I respect in this world are so good to me, that I never want to offend them. Even if they never understand what the hell I am talking about, because I am the weirdest family member they have! You understand, right?).
Where was I? Oh I get up early because doodie calls! Literally, it’s time to pee at 6 am!!! “Come on, it’s my 25th a__ hole, you couldn’t let me sleep a little bit longer?”
Okay, get up, slip on Hawaiian dress, screech open the stuck door that when it opens the entire neighborhood knows, Teena is up her bladder named butthead and butt named donkey are at it again.
I take care of my business…and I pause and think, “Maybe, I should take an early morning shower, he might feel like twenty five years ago. (I drift off back to when hard ons were like the jungle. You saw them as never ending).
Then I thought he probably will wake up feeling frisky, but what about me? (I switch back from my day dream, look in the mirror) I say, “Ehhh it’s early and I probably have to go again, so I have got time to decide for now I will take a nap!”
I mean I was correct on my decision, I did have to get up again in like 30 minutes. Hence, that’s why I am writing this post. I mean I honestly do feel all gooey and ooey about my honey bunny and I am truly more in love with him now, than I was twenty five years ago. Fortunately, we have made it!!!
But come on yall veterans, at this 25 years and beyond! All that hoopla was horse sh_t! Yes, you still love that man if you made it through twenty five years. Yes, you have been through some hard times that won’t seem to leave you alone. YES HOPEFULLY, you have had some good sex, that’s like a cool breeze that will taunt you forever! (If you can’t hear the tune in my head that keeps playing, it is John Denver ‘ Some Days are Diamonds and Some Days are Stone!)
But I must say I am here at twenty five years of celebrating and to be honest I can’t believe some of you woman who have lied and said, ” Ohhh it gets better just hang on one more day it gets better!”
When they for d_mn sure knew it is, what it is!
It is an accomplishment!!!!!!
I will give you that! But everyone’s like what are you going to do on the ‘day’? Don’t you guys want to ‘do’ something together? Like a romantic dinner or sex on the beach or sit and sweetly tell one another how amazing he or she has been for the past 25 years.
Listen up!! If you haven’t told him or her how amazing they are a great deal of the time over the past 25 years — YOU AREN’T CELEBRATING YOUR 25TH ANNIVERSARY! Nope not happening.
Okay, so the funniest questions we have had and I say ‘we’ because I have heard Eric get asked the same questions, are, “Omg, how did you do that? That is so awesome! What is your secret?”
Let’s get one thing straight there are no dag on secrets to marriage of 25 years staying together. Even if there were they would all be individual secrets, this isn’t a one size fits most deal! And noooo, we aren’t from the generation where, “If it’s broke, we don’t junk it we fix it!”
Actually, Eric and I are from the generation of, if it fits for awhile wear it, but things do wear out so throw them away and get new, generation. So nope that’s not the reason we ‘made’ it 25 years.
Ohhh I love this one, ” Mom and dad you guys are amazing. Except, it’s difficult for us kids to live up to that because we want it ‘just like you two!”
Shut the F_ck bleep, bleep, bleep up!!!!
We worked our butts off to ensure you guys had what you needed and wanted to live a happy fulfilling life. Some days it was good we were so broke because it financially made sense to stay together.
Yes, we love all four of you and yes we have enjoyed each of you as well as each other. But kiddos, being best friends is easy because we typically choose people who love what we love to do as are best friends, but as a mommy/ daddy and husband/wife, well that’s more of a role not a choice. Therefore, our only advice to you is live each day one step at a time, if in doubt don’t go out (it says on the beaches in hawaii), but in life I disagree.
Sometime you have to go out when in doubt, nooo not into the ocean, that’s stupidity, but in life. Ensure your doubt is not fear, follow your gut if it feels right then follow that. If a little doubt creeps in or the what ifs creep up, pause to ensure its not an emotion from the past seeping into the present.
Okay back to 25 years that became to deep, but hey we owe our past 25 years to them. Not because we stuck together ‘for the kids’ but rather we stuck together because we remembered how much fun and sex we had BK! (Hahahhaha, Before Kids).
I don’t know where I was going with that!
As most of you know I wrote a ‘Sex Ed’ book and have been working on a relationships book, but I just can’t wrap it up. You see I find things so comical now, that writing any guruish deep, serious, tear jerking, sappy message doesn’t work for me anymore. I don’t feel shameful, I don’t feel judgemental yet I don’t feel judged any longer.
How did we make it 25 years? Hmmm having alot of fun. Can it be that simple? Yes, it is. We have always tried to have fun together. We don’t have the same opinions, thoughts, or even all the exact same interest. But we always have fun.
I interrupt that last thought, to announce…Eric just peeked around the corner and said, “What are you doing up so early? You have been out of bed for like two hours?”
I crouched down as I begin to giggle, I say, “I just wanted to get a little post in on our 25th.”
He laughs, starts the coffee and moves about, to get dressed. We have a funny conversation about poop. We remembered one of the grandkids told Mamaw, the elderly think about sex, poop, eating and napping. I am beginning to see the similarities.
It looks like our day of deciding what we are going to eat, where we are going to burn in the sun, or meet up with a good friend named Larry or his brother Gary. So for now, here is to twenty five years of marriage to the same man.
The same man who Let me choose some creepy day to everyone else Friday the 13th. The same man who never followed a rule book it was right for one and right for all. He is a long list of things and they are all pretty wonderful. He is a good man and I plan on keeping him around for as long as he wants to stick around. I can promise him my heart always and forever. Not because the past 25 years have been perfect however, because I have had alot of laughs. You make me laugh on a cold rainy night or when the sun is shining bright! Keep the funny coming babe! I love you, Eric Drake.
PS. As I wrap up, trying to edit this post, Eric pours me a cup of coffee, stares at me (as I try to reread), and then he begins to talk…I acted like I was listening then I heard the word work and I could feel myself feeling guilty. I began to listen and he wanted to do something for his project and he knew it was our anniversary and felt guilty. I literally paused took a deep breath in and said, “I love you and happy anniversary. You should definetly check into work.”
We have never been off work this long, ever. On just vacation. So there ya go fans of the 25 year anniversary club, you don’t need a celebration with a big hoopla on the big 2 -5, if you are having fun almost everyday the BIG ‘ONE ANNIVERSARY’ is whatever you want it to be! Because daily happiness and doing what you love, being where you want to be and with your best friend to share in this journey, well its true…it’s paradise!