Category Archives: parenting

What if your paradigm was wiped clean???

Good Morning!! This is my favorite day of the week!! Yes, believe it or not Monday mornings are my favorites, actually the entire day is!!! Isn’t that funny? I wish I could explain, one thing is for sure…it’s my FAVORITE DAY! As I was plugging in to my morning a Teena moment came to me! What if your paradigm or past was obsolete? Suddenly, out of no where…no one knew you and you had no recollection of anyone? What would you do differently?

Let me tell you about a little boy who challenged me everyday, yet said to me one day, “Do you know why I love you Mrs. Drake? Because you always accept me as a new me, the next morning.”

What???!!!! I think he must be talking about another teacher. Because everyday I prayed he would be a new him in the morning. And you can’t imagine how many days I thought, “I love you, but I don’t know if I can make it another day!”

I don’t care who you are, we all have people in our lives like this. Whether it be a student in your classroom or a Co worker, it doesn’t matter who they are it’s who or what you know about them.

After this thought about, your past being erased, I thought of that little boy, who believed in me because he felt like I believed in him! And I did!!!

This thought took me on a fun journey of emotions. Because I now know why that little boy said that!

I had him in 3rd grade and five years later I had him in 8th grade. Before 3rd grade began, I was handed 18 files to read and learn about my students. Their strengths, weaknesses and behavior issues. I read one!!!! (Which coincidentally he transferred out and I never had him). I closed the first folder and quietly walked to the office with all files in arms. I remember the look on our secretaries face (who I adore) when I said, “Can I have a copy of their medical files only? And any IEP’s?”

You know she wanted to say, “Are you stupid? You are holding them.”

However, I think the color still fading from my face and the weakness in my knees, explained it all!”

When I explained how I couldn’t educate effectively if I knew all the other opinions and data from their past. She was speechless. But it never did work with me!!!! My feelings were a great deal can change in one summer. There are so many factors that play into a person/students learning abilities, maturity, behavior ect… Yes this carries on with good or bad signals.

For example: That little boy was a day by day case, EVERYDAY. However, the first three weeks of school, I never knew this child had any trouble at all. He read at a 5th or higher grade level, he was loving, kind and amazing. (And still is to this day).

Then one day he didn’t come to school, then another. When he did return it was like a switch had turned on. His peers were constantly irritated with him, he would poke them, write on their papers…I mean I was in a state of grrrr!

What did I do? Funny thing is I didn’t realize it then, but now I see I did what came natural. I went with what I knew. I had built my own perspective of this child. Therefore, his paradigm to me was an intelligent, sweet, funny and kind child. I knew nothing about his past teachers opinions, his home life or his, let’s call it persistent personality, to ensure his life was as he wanted it. His paradigm was wiped clean as for me. That is why we had the discussion, EVERYDAY, “Tomorrow is a new day! You, my intelligent, well behaved, studious young man will begin again and tomorrow will be even better!”

Yes, we had that same conversation hundreds or maybe even thousands of times from 3rd grade, then 6th through 8th!

Did I change him? Nooo I do know I loved him, as a student. I do believe I helped him see a better him. And if you knew his real life paradigm, you like me, would be tempted to provide him with excuses. However, how would that help him? Or me or anyone else who might struggle with his quirky, nontraditional ways.

Ask yourself, “If my paradigm was wiped clean right now (and I was healthy bla bla bla), what would I want my new one to be?”

It is not to scare you, but just think…if you didn’t worry about the past, if no one had something to hold against you from 30 years ago (yes, people still claim to know someone even if they haven’t spoken to them in 30 years, that’s crazy to me). Not that you live your life based on other people’s opinions, just a fun little thought.

Next time you begin to become irritated with someone or something stop and ensure this is a reaction towards this particular incident and not a reaction based on the past. When you begin to live for or to feel good, life is paradise with a twist.

The twist being those small, quiet irritating moments to remind you of how you want your memories/paradigm, to be in one day, a month, a year or even years.

The pages are unwritten and you my friend are holding the pen!

God Bless

Livelove

&

Carryon

Sad moments will pass too

As moments or fun times come to an end everyone feels a little bit of a let down. At least I do. After vacation I always have a few moments of- I want to return to no stress, dancing and relaxing. However, I have learned that the closing of one chapter, means an opening to a brand new chapter.

New adventures, new destinations, fun times and the creation of new memories!

I sometimes feel like a broken record when I write over and over again. However, my statements are true. If you will wait just a few moments, this too will pass. When you are sad, take time to ask yourself, “Why am I sad?”

Next, allow yourself to be just that, sad. Not to a level of depression, where all you focus on is the sad state of mind you are in, but rather just a little cry, maybe a snack and a popcorn night. The point is allow yourself to feel the emotional attachment to whatever you are feeling down about.

Buttttttt.. set a time for when you are going to be over it. For example: When my daughter, son and Mark left today, I will admit I cried and felt a little lost for a moment. I have just felt a little bla all day. However, tomorrow morning is a new day!

I have set my time to begin a new day tomorrow. I found something to be excited about. In one week we will be heading to Nashville for a bash for Ashby’s 21. My website is in ffw because Rhian is amazing and many other events are evolving.

Could I continue to be sad and think of what is? Absolutely! I could take this small emotion and let it carry over into multiple days and even weeks or months.

Why? Why would I do that? Why? Why would you do that? I am sure some of you reading this could provide me with a long list of whys, how’s, shoulds, could and woulds.

Please read this carefully! It’s okay how long you choose to grieve, be depressed and focus in what is! However, it’s your responsibility to understand the entire world will not stop for a long time to help you pull yourself back together.

As one of my dear friends, who has buried two of their children, explained, “When you suffer a loss so great, which any loss is great, it’s only you who can decide what to do with your life. If I wanted to remember theirs deaths I would/could. But I chose to focus on their lives and create a life surrounded around doing good for others, in their names.”

Life is short. We all have, days and moments where we feel irritable, angry or simply sad. As Jack Cannefield explains, “Event + Reaction = Outcome.”

Please, as our country appears to have so many negatives and the world seems to have taken a nightmare pill, I beg of you to find the good in all situations and focus your energy on just that. Yes, there is always a time for everything! A time to mourn, a time to laugh, a time to pray and a time for cry. But if you want to be part of the solution and not yet another meaningless contribution to more fear being instilled in us, then begin today! Find the happiness in your heart, in your home, in your world! There is goodness all around you, how? Take time to focus in on the good in all situations. Listen to what you speak, does it illuminate the ‘bad’? Does it provide goodness to anyone? Does it create a happy feeling in your soul? If your last two answers were no, please take this message and utilize it.

Not trying to sound preachy or even demanding, I simply want you to understand how much you really do make a difference. You choose is your impact or legacy involving a positive and happy change in your life as well as those around you? If yes, then hooray, keep up the good vibrations. If not, then if not now? When? You choose!

If you are struggling with anything right now, I want you to know I just sent you a great amount of ‘Happy energy’ , it may feel a bit strange at first, but take the feeling and enjoy! That energy was attached yo this reading, just for you. Feel the cool breeze, feel the refreshing thoughts of feeling terrific. Smile really big and now accept your gift!

The song Ooooooo child things are gonna get easier… continues to play in my head as I read, edit and reread this post. It’s true hang on just a little longer it’s going to get better!!!

God Bless!

Livelove

Twenty Five!

I can’t believe it! Twenty five years ago Eric Drake, mommy and I, at four in the morning were driving to Kings Daughters Hospital in Madison Indiana. It was a cool, crisp, October morning and I can remember thinking and praying, “Lord, help me thru this and Please Please let me be a good mommy! It was 1992, I was six days shy of my twenty first birthday, Eric was 22 and working his butt off to make ends meet. I remember thinking this pregnancy can’t be over! (I loved being pregnant). It was similar to a journey down a path with another spirit, yet you can’t see them. She was always with me. Responded to my every move, she helped choose what we ate each day, she continued to push me to take care of myself. When she began to force her way out, it almost felt like she was ripping my insides out with her, but she was ready to see this earthly life. She was ready to create her own experiences, live, love and enjoy her life. The afternoon before our trip, to the hospital was beautiful, although I was really aggitated. Mommy called and I demanded she come meet me at the house. I whined so much Eric took me for a ride, on the back roads. Tim Perkinson, Ricky White and Jarod Stark were at the house, when we returned. Oh mommy as well. One look at me and she knew! Mom watched me cook supper, work around the house (which didn’t need to be cleaned), and breathe heavy, occasionally. It didn’t take long for her to look at Eric and say, “We are having a baby tonight, you need to rest up!” Eric turned white as a ghost and almost immediatly went to bed. Poop (Tim’s nickname) stayed with mom and I, to watch the rest of Fried Green Tomatoes. Oh and we can’t forget, we ate marshmallow cream and peanut butter. I was now having contractions 10 to 15 minutes apart. (We all acted like it was no big deal) The next part was hilarious! I don’t know why, but I decided I would drive Tim home. Why, either of them let me drive I will never know. Probably, I was super stubborn and demanded to drive. (Hmmm that sounds about right). It wasn’t that far! I remember the sky was almost black, with a few cirrus clouds, glowing with the reflection of the gigantic full moon! As we slowly creeped up the hill, where the headlights beamed, straight ahead, I had one of the worst contractions, I had ever experienced. About that time I slammed the gas pedal down, forcing my car to almost ramp the hill, heading down to his house. Mom and Poop screamed, then immediately stopped themselves only to hold their breath, in hopes of survival of the small, but tedious road trip. I almost came to a stop, when yep, it hit again and a repeat event happened! When Poop jumped out of the car he was terrified, his face was almost transparent, and all he could say was, “Goodluck, I will see you tomorrow.” The next four hours were touch and go! Until I began hitting the wall and rocking back and forth. Mom went to get Eric and we were off to the hospital! The next morning we had a beautiful baby girl! She was our surprise gift! Our family and friends came to support us. And our lives changed forever! It was an amazing day. You know, as I reflect and visualize for the future, I always want to share with you. LIFE is… What you make it! Eric Drake and I has no idea what we were doing October 2nd 1992! We had very little money, little life experience and yet all we knew is we loved this little human/spirit/baby girl more than words could express. She had colic for her first six weeks of life. I can remember we would trade off sleeping one hour at a time. We had our electric shut off once and our water a couple of times! However, Listen up!!! We made it! Twenty-five years later all those struggles are now funny memories! If you are struggling, right now…Please remember take everything in twos. I know most people will tell you, “One step at a time!” I do agree, but for me it has always been twos. If you can take one step why not two! If you can make it thru two seconds, two minutes, two hours, two days, two weeks!!! You can make it! I know you have sad times and struggles, but you got this!!! I have looked back over my twenty five years with this beautiful young lady and all four of our children and realized the difficult times become diluted and almost more cherished, because they always illuminate a growth period of awesomeness! A time where we all came together, depended on each other and were grateful for the good times!

Life is meant to be lived. You will struggle, you will have losses, but no matter what if you will stop, wait and focus forward in whatever ‘two’ realm you need, at the time; you will be like me and look back over twenty five years in amazement and visualize the future as even better!!! Here’s to you kid! Thanks for the greatest journey from October 2nd 1992, until now! Looking forward to many more adventures and living! I love you Darion Alley Drake!! Thank you for being an amazing daughter!

I think I can; I know I can…

Most people have read the Little Engine that could. I know, I would even refer to it while educating eighth graders or teaching sales associates, how to reach their personal quota. However, this past weekend, my experience, cleared the muddy waters or concepts behind this fabulous story!

You see, anytime I was coaching I would say look at the end result and go for that finish line. Which is one hundred percent normal for a coach. As we timed each runner in their event we would refer to their ending time and ask, can you beat that? After all, Track is all about who crosses that finish line first. I would run as fast as I could and cheer, “I think you can, I think you can…Come On You can do it, just look at that finish line, it is right there!!! (Ending with) I know you can! I know you can!”

Exasperated, I would check with John or Dad, for time and let them know where they were and where they needed to be! Does this sound normal to you? Of course it does as a coach you are to bring them up to their best potential and motivate them to complete the task, improve upon the last one and visualize the positive results is your job. However, if I chose to do that type of coaching again I would reverse their thoughts and my technique.

Why? You ask? Becuase although we had several qualify and attend state, once we arrived the goal or end result became overwhelming and several of them struggled.

Back to My lesson and then you will understand. As Eric and I rode bicycles, we would come upon some steep hills. He would shift down to second or even first gear and ride like the wind. (Of course he was demonstrating how necessary it is for me to have gears) Me, on the other hand, would begin pushing, panting, standing up and usually stop mid hill, exhausted. Though, I will say, I never walked and pushed my bike. Instead, I would look right in front of me about two feet and begin pedaling.

Pedaling, pedaling, pedaling slowly sometimes almost coming to a complete stop! Wobbling back and forth…hang on! I would say you can do this, you can do this.

My pep talk or phrase to myself became almost like a cheer/chant/song I would say out loud.

“You already know the end, all you have to see is, two feet & your free!”

I know that seems weird, but in the midst of the struggle it became, “2 feet in front of me is all you gotta see.”

Over and over again I would chant/cheer, “Two feet in front of me is all I gotta see… (push the pedals with all my might) Two feet in front of me is all I gotta see… (again, but a little louder)…Two feet in front of me is all I gotta see!”

I tested it time and time again. We would approach a hill and if I would ride, starring at the top; I NEVER MADE IT, without stopping! However, if I glanced at the top (or end result) I would take a snap shot of the path, quickly glance where others could be, ensure I could avoid any Big surprises and proceed. (All of that preparing was not a strict plan it was just a glance. So if I had to veer off the path, I would still arrive at my final deatination)

Next, I would look two feet ahead of me, glance behind me and take off!!! Push with the right, then the left. Breathe…inhale, exhale, inhale exhale. Focus on your breathing, Teena. And when I thought I couldn’t go anymore, I wasn’t strong enough, I would push even harder and cheer, “Two feet in front of me is all I gotta see!”(again)

“Two feet in front of me is all I gotta see…two feet in front of me is all I gotta see!”

Sometimes I would throw in the full mantra, but mostly I just concentrated on turning the wheels two times and moving two feet.

Isn’t this true in everything we do! I never understood why @The Little Engine that Could, began with, “I think I can.”

I do now! If he had looked at the end result the entire time he might not have made it to the the toys, on the other side of the mountain. Instead he began with just right then, right where he was at that time. He didn’t transition to, I know I can, until he had reached at least one major hurdle and enjoyed the journey along the way.

Anything you want to do big or small! Know the end result or goal, feel it for a split second. Then begin to take one step, then the next. You do not want to miss the delicious journey along the way, so you can bask in the glorious warmth and good feeling at the top.

Back to track. I love track as a sport! Because it focuses your brain to improve you for your own personal record. If you are a coach try not to focus on the end quite as much, but rather visualize the end and improve by only seeing two feet ahead, two days, two hours, or even two seconds!

You can get thru, accomplish or achieve anything you want! If you are depressed, struggling with addiction or just wanting to pedal to the top of a hill, you can do it! The key is to see it and break it down into smaller, manageable pieces!

God Bless!

Livelove

Some people are like their own love…

Think of car guys/girls, they love cars and understanding them can be easy, if you understand a little bit about cars.

As I watched my friend in toastmasters speak about his new truck, I had an epiphany! People act like what they love! For example: I love pink! I love to live free spirited…so I definetly act like a pink poodle!!! Bahahahahaha

Or maybe a pink flamingo!

And a car guy or gal acts like an automobile. You can’t push them if you want them to run. If you try to push them they will sit there (looking at you) like your a complete idiot and continually holding their brakes on.

If you attempt negative motivation they respond in the same manner. Even if you try to set fire to their tale -end they will either step aside to avoid any more attention from you OR explode like dynamite. The only way to encourage or understand a car person is to remember they will go at a steady flow based on shear mechanical engineering from the Science of: every action has an equal and opposite reaction, it is always consistent. Now that is the only way to encourage or understand ‘Car’ girls and guys; is remember they act like what they love!!!

I love you Nicholas Ryan and am super proud of you! Keep on being the great car guy, you are!

Just Do It…

Don’t you hate chnage? Do you wish all your dreams could come true, over night? As the days go by and you plan one more step, to achieving your dreams and goals, as well as having that lavish lifestyle; do you find yourself feeling anxiety and fear of the unknown?

Here is the best advice I have to give…Find A BETTER THOUGHT! Is this an easy task? Not at first it is not, but if you keep trying each day, focusing on the rich abundance, you already have and that which is quickly on its way, you will begin to see those controlled visions appear. Yes, it will happen one by one!

I look for the good in each moment however, just like you, I slip back into the more easy habit of observing what is. Therefore, how do I JUMP on another frequency of thought? Every morning, of everyday, before I crawl out if bed I say, “Thank you, for everything in my life working out for the best for me. I love you Teena Drake and I am happy you woke up!”

Now, if you felt a little cringe or sadness when you read what I say, then find your own positive statement. It doesn’t have to be mine. And yes, I have mornings where my brain, vibration and entire being will say back to me (in my head), “Shutup!” I am afraid, what if I never make it? Why couldn’t I choose a career that I just do my job and receive a pay check? Why do you always have to be focusing on something bigger and why do you care if you help others? They don’t care?”

See I probably just demonstrated more doubt than you have ever felt. You are probably thinking wow, Teena I don’t think that much about myself. Lol!! Those days for me are far and few between however, I do have them. Usually when I allow anyone to project their own fears on me. Because listen up!!!! (This is the most important part I am about to write today!!!!!) Other people ONLY FIND FAULT in OTHERS, when they hate their OWN FAULTS or FEARS!

Most people, especially your close friends and family, never want to see you hurt or disappointed. That’s why they appear to be negative towards some of your new ideas, not because they ‘hate’ you, but rather they do not understand you. They also fear you will be let down or hurt! I know I am guilty of this, everyone is. For example, one of my kids called and asked about a job opportunity. Instead of just being excited at that moment my concious mind, then my mouth, began thinking and saying, what if? Oh don’t forget to say or do this!

The entire time my mouth is moving and my ears are listening to my stupid advice, I am thinking, What the hell are you doing or saying? However, it’s my own fear for them that began this chaotic conversation.

Now, I try not to react or if I feel myself doing this I stop and say, “You know mom loves you no matter what! Please attempt to erase those what ifs, please. I only want to always protect you. However, me trying to discourage or hender you is not my intention.”

Then the next time they will want to share with me.

Okay, let’s get back to you, yourself and you! If you feel it do it!!! If you are on a magical, whimsical adventure and you know in your heart you are on the right track, do it! Yes, fear will creep in. You will have moments of doubt, but remember everything is working out best for YOU TO ENJOY THIS GIFT OF LIFE!

For example, most of you know I am opening a new company, actually it is evolving by leaps and bounds. As I attempt one approach and then another. As I begin each day with, “I accept and expect everything to work out in perfect harmony for me today.”

I see events, people and opportunities appearing on a daily basis. Some days I think, okay this can go a little faster. Then I will switch my thought and someone will call, message me or have a wonderful conversation that will lead me into, ” I am the new proud CEO of Livelove LLC.”

The rest is history. Everyone wants to be happy, find peace and love. Therefore, once they ask, “What does your company do?

I respond with, “I share with you my life’s work, studying people and their perspectives of happiness. Next, together we will find the necessary tools for YOU to Be Happy!”

Now when I say that statement at first everyone stares at me for just a moment in, what I think is, a contemplation mode then they say, “When do we begin?”

You can begin today! I will be estatic to meet you if you FEEL the desire to sign up for one of our ‘Happy Classes.’ However, if you can’t make it to one, or can’t wait, you aren’t lost! Wakeup each day and find a desirable and believable to you statement. Say it then take the leap of faith and DO what you are led to do that day! I promise living like this is more fun than having doubt, worry or fear!

One more thing before I go!!! Look everyone I am scared to death to share this information with you, but I FEEL someone needs it. If you don’t need it please just skip over this part of my blog!!!

I have a special gift/service that someone may need. I can read Angel Cards and help you through some issues you might be hanging on to! (This is not anything creepy or weird and you do not have to be religous to believe).

Why am I scared to share, I just do not want to offend anyone. However, this is fun, easy and provides you with a little boost, when making a tough or not clear decision.

Anywhoooo..

I will be at several destinations for now Kansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana, and Ohio to name the ones that are for sure! And for all my friends and family in Kauai I will be there and can be available a couple of days in November. (If Mamaw doesn’t mind)

If you would rather be incognito or don’t have time to wait for me to announce the pop up destination, you can email me, @Livelove.Teena@gmail.com or message me Teena Drake.

This is fun and extremely helpful. I have a long long list of friends who will edify my work, if you are one of those who needs to check out references!

Back to the topic!!! (Sorry I kept getting the message someone needs that information and no worries everyone, this is JUST as effective over the internet).

Just Do It! Is your message today! You are wonderful and terrific!

God Loves You No Matter What!

Livelove LLC

A family that plays together stays together…

As my creative juices begin to flow I sit on my front, covered patio and listen to the birds chirp, speaking in ‘bird’ fluttering from one tree branch to the other. Some are pleasant to hear and yet others always rudely interrupt with a shrilling screech. Yet others consistently echo themselves similar to a warning or a nagging Aunt Zelda. (No, I do not have a nagging aunt zelda! Lol).

What does that description have to do with the title? I thought you might want to enjoy my preparation for writing…NOOOO NOT REALLY!

Anywhoo…Just like the birds playing, working, arguing and snuggling families are extremely similar. Just think about it, can you identify the family member who is always organized? Super focused? Spirit driven? Aloof? Silly? Always known to ensure you have a good time when in their presence? (Hahaha I always want that to be me and hopefully it is most of the time). Families are the true melting pot. Everyone has their roles, quirks, habits and their opinion.

I question with all the diversity in families like different opinions, lifestyles, social economic statuses what creates a good family bond? What stops the negativity from the outside world from tearing apart families.

Of course I had to begin researching this queation. What creates a happy family bond? Who stays together, no matter how cruddy it gets, why do some families survive and others not so much?

As I asked people about their families and once I gathered responses, I then decide to proceed or not with my next question. For example, if they respond with how many people they dislike in their family I move on. If they tell me about one or two members, in a positive way, I will proceed with, why do you love being with your family? What do you do when you are together?

Everytime, not once or most of the time, everytime the response is we play ______________. Fill in the blank. It could be cards, board games, sports or anything else including the descriptive verbs like play, laugh and/or have fun.

After I read several of the responses I had received, from all different backgrounds, I recognized a common thread in life.

We stay with those who like to play the same as us. Yes, it is similar to birds of a feather flock together. However, that statement almost sounds like we have no choices and that’s not true. I love all kinds of activities which is why I have a gigantic family and friend (sorry I believe they are one of the same so sometimes I forget to separate them) group. I choose to surround myself with all types of people.

Therefore, I love and am keeping the statement…we stay with those who like to play the same as us.

As I rewind then pause the movie in my head, I observe how true this statement is throughout life.

My Aunt T could be one of the best examples to demonstrate how playing equals staying! She has always been happy, full of life and illuminates the room when she begins to laugh. However, I have never been to a family function that we didn’t end up playing cards. She has always been a member of a bridge club and rook. She always incorporates playing in her life and her life shows it. Does that mean everything has always been perfect? No! However, through her Christian faith and her continuing the motto a family that plays together stays together, she is truly one of the happiest people I know. To edify this just a little more, we went to a family reunion and later on that night was hanging out with her oldest grandson, who is in his 20’s. About 8 o’clock he said, “Hey, I love hanging out with you guys, but I have to go we are playing cards tonight.”

Gosh I love this woman! (Sorry, Trina I still love my candid pictures, this is perfect to me)

I remember thinking WOW! He was in a hurry to go play cards with his grandma, dad, grandpa and whoever else shows up. That is AMAZING!

Take time to play today. Turn off the television, put down your phone- I promise Facebook will still be there! And play, play, play with those whom you want to stay!

(We were killing zombies @DaveandBusters see the word to the right of my head? What is it?)

I could have continued writing for hours, but once again Ms. Debbie is waiting on me lol! However, I am ready to go record because we have so much fun. Also, hopefully this will post soon enough for you to plan something fun for tonight. Or now…go on quit reading this and have fun!!! God Bless!!!!

Livelove

Oh if you didn’t know my family loves to swim, thank you Meemaw for always ensuring we have ways to have fun in the sun!