Why do we feel guilty for…the tears we weep? Or the feelings we feel? Our flaws? Sensuality? Sexuality? Labels? Titles? Tell me, will someone please, I so beg of you…tell me, WHY DO WE FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING ALIVE? Or HUMAN?
How did we forget? This journey is and always has been a GIFT! A beautiful gift to be explored to FEEL!
FEEL the tears drench your cheeks, almost as to cleanse the soul to illuminate all possible and most pleasant solutions. Embrace your flaws as blessings to explore how strong you really are! Allow the erotic moments to swift you away into the sensual gardens of feeling the physical body. Choose the labels & titles of roles only your heart desires to experience.
If guilt is necessary in your life lessons… feel it, understand it, and release it to move out of your life. To allow you to live this journey as the GIFT it Truly IS!
Written by: Teena Drake
I am glad to be back…my life journey has taken me on a roller coaster. Filled with twist, turns, & loopty loops! But I remember, I woke up & I am back! Thank you for reading!
1976, the teacher begins his first roll call of the year, my full name is announced…Teena Gay Kelley. “Here,” I reply with the proudest of voice I had. 1978, same scenario, my full name is announced…Teena Gay Kelley. A few snickers from other children, a drop of my teacher’s face and a , “here,” I reply with the lowest of whisper in hopes no one would know who said it. 1980, same scenarios except this time, I hear a teacher talking to another teacher, “Can you believe her mother named her that? Poor child.” 1983, same scenarios except…I decided to make a joke of it. “Here it goes everyone, I am the new girl in school and inevitably, one of these teachers will call out my middle name…get ready for it…yep…(pause as if I knew exactly what was about to happen)” “Teena Gay Drake.” Young, first year teacher of middle school, who could pass for being ‘considered’ to be a Gay Man or one whom everyone in the world, knew his sexual preference. (Which to be honest this still freaks me out that we label people based on their sexuality/preference/private stuff. IDK but does anyone else want to be labeled by how you like to feel pleasure? Okay…I don’t want to make anyone mad so this part will be omitted, maybe). His faced turned blood-red as the snide remarks and poking fun at me had begun. He peered over his glasses in the most apologetic way. Between fake laughs, I glanced back at him as to say, “I knew it was coming…It is okay.” I continued this phase of my life throughout my teaching career. I began with my introduction, “Hello! My name is Mrs. Teena Gay Drake, but you may call me Mrs. Drake.” I would always reinforce how no one wants to be called names. Therefore, your slur usage of the word ‘Gay’ will not be permitted in my classroom, due to the fact of it being my middle name and all. I would allow the students to giggle if they so please, but the precedent was clearly set, this was an equal, kind, loving, nonjudgement classroom and it would stay that way. As I reflect back to several of my students, I can remember feeling their pain as they would be made fun of because he or she was different. The boys who were considered to be feminine would come to me and say, “Mrs. Drake they say I am Gay? Why? What does that even mean?” Many of the girls would embrace the label and act similar to myself. They would chime in to poking fun at themselves. Yes, believe it or not it was only a few years ago that middle schoolers didn’t understand ‘why’ they were labeled. And, yes, many understand what the title means now, but they are unsure of why the heck people, especially adults, are so persistent and hateful about it! Let’s be honest…if you have a 6th grader you are not sitting around pondering whether he or she is desiring to have sex with anyone, let alone the same-sex. So the next time you are quick to judge, take time to pause and think…do I really care whether someone is Gay or not? Regardless of the definition.
If they are ‘Gay’ defined as happy or ‘Gay’ defined by sexual preference… Do you really want to know their sexual preference? How does this even directly affect you? Do you know I was told not to write this because I might offend someone? If I am offending someone then good! I am tired of poking fun at my name because someone said it stands for a label! I am tired of hiding my beliefs because someone else might disagree. Because resistance or a huge vibration will create change and change is inevitable. Gay by definition is happy & joyful. Gay has become by definition a choice of sexuality. Who provided the world with this label? You…whether you find the term offensive or celebratory you have defined it. So my answer is clear…”To be Gay, or not to be Gay? I choose Gay! I am taking back my title, my mother gave me the day I smiled laying in my crib, when by the ‘textbook rules’ wasn’t possible.
I was named after my Great Aunt Gay. I was named to be happy and share love. IDC what other people’s sexual preference is…but I do hope it brings you joy. (But I am still unconcerned, of your choice, as others might want to follow my lead, on this subject).
As we wrap up the month of June which is entitled ‘Pride Month’ whether you are apart of it or not, please remember…it truly does stand for…Celebrating being proud to be Happy, to be free, and to remember “Love will always win!” YOU ARE LOVED! You are worthy to feel good. You are FREE to be GAY with me! Instead of tearing people down and allowing misconceptions to blur your vision of the true meaning of the rainbow, attempt to allow love and the illumination of the vibrant colors melting one into the other, to AMAZE YOU! You will quickly realize how fun and Gay life can be! Livelove LLC: Changing the world with one happy, Gay, thought at a time and Educating the world to Livelove & Carry On Need a little extra help getting over a hurdle? We are offering a new service…So excited! Email: Livelove.firstname.lastname@example.org or Teena.email@example.com Open to thoughts, comments and happy remarks. Snide remarks are accepted as well, if you feel the need. Although I am not very tough and I will probably cry I will respectfully read all of them and respond if so need be. LOL. No seriously, I do cry sometimes. God Bless EACH OF YOU! Thank you for reading my thoughts. My greatest wish is for you to find your happy trail. That you will live- like today is your last, love- with every cell in your body, and when the road gets rough you will hold on tight and CARRY ON! Written by: Teena Drake
Okay everyone you all should know (because you are a bad blogger, social media guru, author, wife, oh I almost forgot even better a BAD human if you don’t keep up with a million posts, birthdays, anniversaries, moms, dads, aunts…Oh you get the point!)
Anywhoooooo, you may know it is me and my husbands twenty fifth anniversary, today! Yes, November 13 we were married on Friday the 13th!! Because it is my lucky day, if that freaks you out, you might want to stop reading this particular post. Why? You ask? You see my dear friend this won’t be a tribute to how wonderful the past 25 years have been and how he is my hero! But rather a few funny things that enter my mind when you are celebrating your twenty fifth anniversary! with another human. That human who began with you on a journey full of lust, more lust, more sex, and YES EVEN MORE SEX! So keep reading, if you so dare because I am on a roll this morning in paradise and you never know what is going to come out of these fingers 😉!
My first thought of the morning is, on this marvelous anniversary is, get up early so I can clean up and smell good and feel all rarrrrr sexy!!! Mmmmm I am feeling frisky!!! HOLD UP!!! Were you actually about to believe that horse sh_t (Look, I know people cuss and actually in an ‘adult environment I am kind of bad with a couple of my favorites! However, some of the people who I respect in this world are so good to me, that I never want to offend them. Even if they never understand what the hell I am talking about, because I am the weirdest family member they have! You understand, right?).
Where was I? Oh I get up early because doodie calls! Literally, it’s time to pee at 6 am!!! “Come on, it’s my 25th a__ hole, you couldn’t let me sleep a little bit longer?”
Okay, get up, slip on Hawaiian dress, screech open the stuck door that when it opens the entire neighborhood knows, Teena is up her bladder named butthead and butt named donkey are at it again.
I take care of my business…and I pause and think, “Maybe, I should take an early morning shower, he might feel like twenty five years ago. (I drift off back to when hard ons were like the jungle. You saw them as never ending).
Then I thought he probably will wake up feeling frisky, but what about me? (I switch back from my day dream, look in the mirror) I say, “Ehhh it’s early and I probably have to go again, so I have got time to decide for now I will take a nap!”
I mean I was correct on my decision, I did have to get up again in like 30 minutes. Hence, that’s why I am writing this post. I mean I honestly do feel all gooey and ooey about my honey bunny and I am truly more in love with him now, than I was twenty five years ago. Fortunately, we have made it!!!
But come on yall veterans, at this 25 years and beyond! All that hoopla was horse sh_t! Yes, you still love that man if you made it through twenty five years. Yes, you have been through some hard times that won’t seem to leave you alone. YES HOPEFULLY, you have had some good sex, that’s like a cool breeze that will taunt you forever! (If you can’t hear the tune in my head that keeps playing, it is John Denver ‘ Some Days are Diamonds and Some Days are Stone!)
But I must say I am here at twenty five years of celebrating and to be honest I can’t believe some of you woman who have lied and said, ” Ohhh it gets better just hang on one more day it gets better!”
When they for d_mn sure knew it is, what it is!
It is an accomplishment!!!!!!
I will give you that! But everyone’s like what are you going to do on the ‘day’? Don’t you guys want to ‘do’ something together? Like a romantic dinner or sex on the beach or sit and sweetly tell one another how amazing he or she has been for the past 25 years.
Listen up!! If you haven’t told him or her how amazing they are a great deal of the time over the past 25 years — YOU AREN’T CELEBRATING YOUR 25TH ANNIVERSARY! Nope not happening.
Okay, so the funniest questions we have had and I say ‘we’ because I have heard Eric get asked the same questions, are, “Omg, how did you do that? That is so awesome! What is your secret?”
Let’s get one thing straight there are no dag on secrets to marriage of 25 years staying together. Even if there were they would all be individual secrets, this isn’t a one size fits most deal! And noooo, we aren’t from the generation where, “If it’s broke, we don’t junk it we fix it!”
Actually, Eric and I are from the generation of, if it fits for awhile wear it, but things do wear out so throw them away and get new, generation. So nope that’s not the reason we ‘made’ it 25 years.
Ohhh I love this one, ” Mom and dad you guys are amazing. Except, it’s difficult for us kids to live up to that because we want it ‘just like you two!”
Shut the F_ck bleep, bleep, bleep up!!!!
We worked our butts off to ensure you guys had what you needed and wanted to live a happy fulfilling life. Some days it was good we were so broke because it financially made sense to stay together.
Yes, we love all four of you and yes we have enjoyed each of you as well as each other. But kiddos, being best friends is easy because we typically choose people who love what we love to do as are best friends, but as a mommy/ daddy and husband/wife, well that’s more of a role not a choice. Therefore, our only advice to you is live each day one step at a time, if in doubt don’t go out (it says on the beaches in hawaii), but in life I disagree.
Sometime you have to go out when in doubt, nooo not into the ocean, that’s stupidity, but in life. Ensure your doubt is not fear, follow your gut if it feels right then follow that. If a little doubt creeps in or the what ifs creep up, pause to ensure its not an emotion from the past seeping into the present.
Okay back to 25 years that became to deep, but hey we owe our past 25 years to them. Not because we stuck together ‘for the kids’ but rather we stuck together because we remembered how much fun and sex we had BK! (Hahahhaha, Before Kids).
I don’t know where I was going with that!
As most of you know I wrote a ‘Sex Ed’ book and have been working on a relationships book, but I just can’t wrap it up. You see I find things so comical now, that writing any guruish deep, serious, tear jerking, sappy message doesn’t work for me anymore. I don’t feel shameful, I don’t feel judgemental yet I don’t feel judged any longer.
How did we make it 25 years? Hmmm having alot of fun. Can it be that simple? Yes, it is. We have always tried to have fun together. We don’t have the same opinions, thoughts, or even all the exact same interest. But we always have fun.
I interrupt that last thought, to announce…Eric just peeked around the corner and said, “What are you doing up so early? You have been out of bed for like two hours?”
I crouched down as I begin to giggle, I say, “I just wanted to get a little post in on our 25th.”
He laughs, starts the coffee and moves about, to get dressed. We have a funny conversation about poop. We remembered one of the grandkids told Mamaw, the elderly think about sex, poop, eating and napping. I am beginning to see the similarities.
It looks like our day of deciding what we are going to eat, where we are going to burn in the sun, or meet up with a good friend named Larry or his brother Gary. So for now, here is to twenty five years of marriage to the same man.
The same man who Let me choose some creepy day to everyone else Friday the 13th. The same man who never followed a rule book it was right for one and right for all. He is a long list of things and they are all pretty wonderful. He is a good man and I plan on keeping him around for as long as he wants to stick around. I can promise him my heart always and forever. Not because the past 25 years have been perfect however, because I have had alot of laughs. You make me laugh on a cold rainy night or when the sun is shining bright! Keep the funny coming babe! I love you, Eric Drake.
PS. As I wrap up, trying to edit this post, Eric pours me a cup of coffee, stares at me (as I try to reread), and then he begins to talk…I acted like I was listening then I heard the word work and I could feel myself feeling guilty. I began to listen and he wanted to do something for his project and he knew it was our anniversary and felt guilty. I literally paused took a deep breath in and said, “I love you and happy anniversary. You should definetly check into work.”
We have never been off work this long, ever. On just vacation. So there ya go fans of the 25 year anniversary club, you don’t need a celebration with a big hoopla on the big 2 -5, if you are having fun almost everyday the BIG ‘ONE ANNIVERSARY’ is whatever you want it to be! Because daily happiness and doing what you love, being where you want to be and with your best friend to share in this journey, well its true…it’s paradise!
Be! Be happy to see me, I love you! Be present when you are with me. Be with me, because you choose to me with me.
Appreciate! Appreciate my companionship and my talents. Please do not illuminate my faults, I already know what they are. I promise if you continue to focus on what you love about me, I will continue to do more of those things.
Stop! Before you react. Remember actions are louder than words, but truly they can also be one in the same. If you don’t agree with me, stop and think before you react, to ensure you are not basing it off your paradigm.
Interested! Interested in me and us! Stay interested, interactive, intriguing!!! Interested in what happened today, interactive in OUR choices of activity, and intriguing with your sweet little comments of how sexy I am and how grateful you are.
Cooperation! Please explain that again? (With patience). Could we mix it up a little tonight, I am bored. Or even, I am tired and want to veg. out! Thank you for being so darn cooperative.
Sensational! Come have a sensational journey with me. Now that we have established the BASICS of love we can Live and Love On!!!
Noooo to all of my friends this isn’t to Eric! However, this is our BASICS to a happy loving relationship. (Perfect? No, Happy? Yes!!!!)
In my first chapter of Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby I explain the chain of events which lead to my desire to write this book. One disturbing or upsetting portion might be that the educational facility did not offer sex education any longer, due to parental request.
However, the truth is ‘sex education’ has been removed from most public education settings, across the nation because the thought process is teach abstinence only! If it were not for volunteer programs like ‘Pure Initiative’ the students today wouldn’t receive any of this information. As for the parental request their motive is because an educator teaching about Sex needs to be well prepared for this topic. I am extremely comfortable discussing Sex and it was still difficult because I had not be prepared. I spent a multitude of hours studying a wide variety of programs and asking parents questions to ensure I was ‘educating’ them and not over stepping my boundaries.
This is why my book is imperative for all parents to read. It is an easy read, informative and all based on real life situations. This is not a SEX EDUCATION BOOK, but rather a combination of stories, scenarios and situations. It is a book for parents to wake up and learn to discuss such an important topic with their children. I guess you would say it is a way to communicate!
My first year of teaching eighth grade Science is the beginning of a great adventure, I had a wide variety of personalities and enjoyed each one. As the year progressed one of my classes became especially close and they wanted to each lunch in my classroom on Fridays (or anytime I would let them). Week after week our lunch ‘class’ was growing by leaps and bounds. The students would beg their teachers to let them join and quickly we became one big happy family.
I was amazed at how open they were with me in there. They would talk about their relationships, weekend plans, past weekend activities, family situations, and the list continues. I wish I could have a picture of my face the day SEX entered our lunch conversation! Out of the blue a young lady says, “Hey, Mrs. Drake we are arguing about something can you come over here?”
I politely excused myself from the group I was sitting with and walked over, plopped down, and said, “Sure, what’s up?”
Without any reservation or concern she asked, “If you have sex and the guy cums in ya….you can jump up and down and the sperm will come out, right? It’s a scientific fact aint it?”
I am sure as you were reading this last paragraph you were either laughing or starring at the words/question with your mouth gapping open. I am also sure you are eager to see my reaction.
The silence at that point was almost like thick smog hanging over the room. The group of students starred at me with eager anticipation to see how I would respond. They were not embarrassed, concerned of my embarrassment, or worried about having this conversation! I remember the thoughts in my head racing around like a chicken with their head cut off. I knew I had to respond, but how and why? Why did I have to answer this question? Why would they even ask such a question? So I took a deep breath did not act shocked and said, “Where did you hear that?”
Two of the young ladies said, “See I told you that was not true!”
Still persisting another young lady said, “She didn’t say it wasn’t true, she just wanted to know where I heard it….it is at least possible aint it?”
I responded by saying, “No, it is not true and why are we having this conversation?”
Thinking that my response would give them a clue….I was unsure about this conversation. My first thought was they were just curious. Then I became intrigued with why the question would come about. Was there a possibility eighth graders were experimenting with sex? And if they were why didn’t they know the basics? The questions and thoughts were rambling in my mind.
Of course I thought they would drop this conversation and blow me off, like eighth graders do when they do not want to explain themselves. Much to my surprise, the first young lady looked at me in astonishment and quickly asked, “So, if a girl did this then why didn’t she get pregnant? If you are so sure this doesn’t work why wouldn’t she be prego right now?
At this point I was disturbed she would question my knowledge on the subject. I said, “I promise she may not become or became pregnant that time, but she better not continue this practice or she will be pregnant. The only job for sperm is to swim towards the egg! That is a fact!”
Still thinking in my mind….HA that will end this conversation she will just ponder on my response and maybe ask her loved ones at home. I was WRONG!!!!!! The conversation became explosive. I thought please dear Lord how long could a twenty minute class last!
Thankfully, the bell was ringing and the last comment was, “Mrs. Drake this isn’t over. I need to know some more about those crazy facts. We will talk about this tomorrow.”
The buzz had begun. If one listened closely, you could almost hear the amazement in their voices about her question and my response. They wanted to know more and I appeared to be the target. I remember praying that night…Dear Lord, Help me with this conversation.
I avoided our conversation through lunch because it was Monday. I didn’t hear much about it therefore, I decided it was a quick lesson learned and their entire group had moved on to another topic.
Once again, I was wrong! The same young lady came into my class and announced, “Mrs. Drake I am a walker today and I have more questions for you, so we can have Science, but after that bus rider bell we are having some ‘Scientific Sex Ed’ I need to ask you some questions and I think you have the answers.”
I looked at her, stood there in awe of her bluntness, and peered out to see the rest of the class anticipating my response. I brushed it off and said, “We will see.”
As the class progressed I continually dreaded the thought of what her questions might be, do I need to discuss this with my principal? I was extremely uncertain of what I could say and which direction this conversation could take us.
As soon as the bell rang, here she came and two of her friends. I decided to sit down at one of the tables and listen. It was almost like story time on the carpet with a group of pre-school children. They had all come up with some questions and had put her up to asking them. These questions extended from how a woman becomes pregnant to oral sex. I answered the ‘Scientific Sex Ed.’ questions and if the questions became more moral based or religion based I would explain that is not Scientific therefore, I am not able to answer. They were okay with my response I gave them some places to research and find out for themselves and the day had ended. As soon as they cleared the building I almost sprinted to the office to discuss the situation with my principal. He enlightened the situation quite a bit. This was the first group of students who would not have Sex Education in their curriculum. Apparently the parents had requested it be removed, it was not a tested area, and it didn’t seem to be essential. He continued to explain I could continue to answer their questions as long as it was ‘Scientific’ and educational.
Of course I thought….they won’t talk to me about this anymore. I gave them facts vs. fiction, but they probably wanted to talk more in depth to see if they could embarrass me. (Have you caught on that it takes me a while to figure out this topic is NOT going to disappear?).
From that point forward it was like opening a can of worms. A majority of the students were discussing the conversation, some would ask what we talked about, other students would just listen to the conversations, but they were clued in. Thank goodness my next unit was genetics. This Scientific Sex Education fit snuggly into my curriculum.
Many times the conversations would continue at our special lunch times. I was amazed at how many students were sexually active and did not care that I knew about it. They would allow me to ask questions like does anyone talk to you about sex? Has anyone discussed with you protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases? A majority of the time the response was NOOOOOOO! One student said, “I asked my mom about sex and she said sex is bad, sex is a bad word, and if you ever have sex I will be ashamed of you!” she continued, “I just decided not to ever bring that conversation up again!”
A young man explained his parents were explicit when they discussed sex with him and they ended the conversation with I don’t want to ever talk about this again so I hope you understood.
Now please understand these were well rounded, straight A students who had extremely good families. The ones with lower grades and living in different situations would explain, “I have learned on my own or my family told me all about it, but they also explained how if I did get a girl pregnant I would have to get a job and pay child support the rest of my life.”
I could write a book on their questions, comments, and thought process! Maybe that will be my next book, but these students were Sex Education illiterate.
They knew some of the actions, but as far as understanding their bodies and sexuality they did not. The family conversations had been limited and these young people were curious and searching for a cure for their curiosity.
Who am I? My name is Teena and I am the one in the picture standing next to my wonderful life partner Eric. As you may be able to tell my family is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, my beautiful step-daughter is not in this picture, she is pursuing her Masters and could not get away for vacation.
My profession at this time is educating eighth graders in integrated Science. However, my lifelong dream is now coming into fruition. I am pursuing a career in writing. If you follow me and read my blog you will laugh, cry, giggle, learn, be intrigued and enjoy funny stories about life.
My current book is about Sex Education. Oh I forgot you will probably read a great deal about Sex. Sex education, Sex after forty, Sex after marriage, a great deal about SEX and relationships. I am not sure why, but it always comes up in conversation, when I am around. Maybe because it is one of my favorite topics. Not in a porn type either just a fact of life. LOL
I love people of all walks of life and love to travel. I do have ADHD therefore I struggle with sticking to one topic (that might be why I keep skipping around and it has taken me 8 years to complete my first book!).
You will also read about public education, students and their struggles, marriage, parenting and great places to travel or not so great!
I love water! I love swimming pools, spas, lakes, rivers, the ocean, and if I can not get to any of those I am happy with a hot bath. So expect to read about some fabulous vacations/holiday places! I will always try to post pictures of sights to see, great food, service and lodging.
My favorite color is PINK! Not bubble gum pink, but hot pink! I love it so much I have incorporated it into my new career path. As I present my book, I will have pink everything. I have even began studying the color pink and how it is best described as bubbly, happy, fun, joyful, free-spirited, laughter, irresistible, and much more. Hence the reason my kids have now began calling me Mommy the pinkologist!
The most important piece of information you should know is I love God and my message to the world is he loves you!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO I am in no way shape or form a religious fanatic. I truly do believe God Loves and Accepts EVERYONE!!!!!!!
My intentions are to post everyday for the next 365 days. I truly hope I can fulfill this goal. This is my first blogging experience so it will not be perfect. Oh who am I kidding, I told you I have ADHD I will never be perfect. Sometimes I may skip around, but I promise if you will keep reading you will get a laugh at one time or another and learn something as well!
My motto is from Jack Canfield- “If it aint fun don’t do it!”
I hope you enjoy the next 364 days with me, if I miss a day (which could happen especially if I am traveling) I will catch it up! Come follow me on a great adventure. I can’t wait to empower you to have a fun-filled life and take time to enjoy!!!!!!