As I begin to unpack my daughter in California, once again, I reflect on my past experiences. A time when I questioned everything. Was I making the ‘right’ decision? What if…? The questions would race through my head. My fears were overwhelming. Should I allow her to follow her dreams at such a young age? What about her safety? What about my other daughter, who willingly volunteered, to be her guardian? Could she handle this gigantic move and undertaking? You see, my daughter had been signed by an agent and was asked to move to Los Angeles California, at the age of 17. We were estatic! The hometown circumstances, let’s just say, weren’t the best for Ashby, at the time. However, could my girls survive in LA??? They were raised in a small little Kentucky town and Ashby was still in high school. Darion had moved to Nashville at the age of 18, but I could drive there in four hours. And I spent almost 6 months of weekends in Nashville! Once the decision was made we took off driving across the country. That was four years ago and here I am again! She is now 21 and although I knew this day would come, it doesn’t make it any easier!!! After her last adventures, I knew she would return home. Back to California. It hasn’t been any easier, but it is rewarding to know she is where she wants to be. My brain will continue to race and question, “Am I making the correct decisions, as a parent.” However, all I want for my children is for them to follow their bliss. And that is what she is doing. You know I can remember thinking I wouldn’t survive, the last time. Yet, here I am four years later. If you are struggling with anything in your life, right now. Please, remember you are loved and if you can pause briefly…I promise, “This too shall pass!” God Bless Livelove & Carryon Www.livelovellc.org/home Livelove.firstname.lastname@example.org Need some help with a situation in your life? Email me, I would love to hear from you!
This picture is on a house boat with Darion Drake and Matt Reed, when they were little. Although his memory will always live on, his physical form was taken from us. Why? Because he couldn’t see a better way! Isn’t it time we show others, there is always a choice. A choice to live. If life feels ‘too much’, pause, breathe and hold on…THIS TOO WILL PASS!
I will never ever forget the moment, I received this crazy phone call! “Teena, Matt has killed himself!”
I rubbed my eyes, cleared my throat and asked,”What? Did you say Suicide?”
“Yes, he is gone!”
(This is not a posting to upset anyone, but it needs to be written!)
I woke Eric up and we both broke down and began to sob. Heart broken, angry, hurt and deeply saddened were just a few emotions, we were experiencing.
You see this was extremely unexpected, because Mathew had been through this exact same horrific experience, with his older brother. He was a teenager and it happened right before his birthday. So you can imagine why we never thought Matt was capable of repeating the event.
However, sadly he did! Leaving his sister, mother and nephew with voids, never to be filled.
Let me tell you about Mathew Reed!
He had a spirit of LIVING! He loved cars, helping others, his family (especially his wonderful nephew). He was a ball of energy. Always willing to lend a helping hand and he could make you laugh until you peed your pants!
At his visitation, I heard the same thing over and over again. “Why? He was such a great person. Why?”
I wish I could answer such a simple question, as to why? But I can’t. Instead, I want to illuminate his life and hopefully help someone else. As I write, in almost ALL of my postings, NO ONE CAN CHANGE THE PAST! I, nor you can reverse what has been done. Yes, you can receive strength to carry on, but once any act or deed is done, it is done.
However, I do believe, my loving Mathew Reed and I can help someone. Someone who is hurting, contemplating and feels stuck.
You see IF we could have stopped this, Matt would probably be preparing for a fun filled night of hanging with his friends. Texting me at midnight to just wish me Happy New Years and laughing about all the crud he has been through. However, none of those events can or will happen.
Sad? Yes! Change it? No 😔!
Learn from him? Definitely 😎!!
If Matt could speak to you right now he would say, “Hold on. Pause. Breathe Deeply. And LIVE ON!”
It’s okay to feel…anyway you want to feel. But please continue to remember, ‘This too will pass.’
I love you Mathew Reed and will continue to send out your message.
Please, I beg of you, help me to help others. Tell someone today, that no matter what, it’s going to be okay. It will work out and this to will PASS!
First, let me apologize for yesterday’s odd post about politics! I normally do not talk about that because, to be honest, it isn’t a ‘good feeling’ conversation. I realize sometimes those discussions must happen, but do not worry it won’t be a hot topic on this blog, unless it is advice, that all of us can use 😄.
Ever have those days that you wake up and BAM!! It hits you like a ton of bricks! That sick feeling of (inhale then exhale) depression! Life could be just terrific, but to you it would be much simpler to return to bed, curl up under the covers, close your eyes and forget anything ever existed.
Congratulations! You are human!!! Did you know the most famous of famous and rich of rich, have all felt this way, at one time or another.
As I watched, listened and rewound to hear again the stories of the past 75 years of the Golden Globes, last night, I realized something. Everyone on this Earth has those days. As the cinematography experts, plugged in the ‘wrap it up’ segment of the show, I watched as many exclaimed how hard they persevered to come to this point and they weren’t stopping until they were done!
You know what? That’s why they were there, receiving that award! Because they didn’t say, “How? Or I am not good enough.”
Instead they said, “What and I am good enough, I am BETTER than good enough!”
I will admit I cried through the entire show, reflecting on the monumental times. The times when groups of entertainers, utilized their talents to make the world a brighter place.
Funny thing is, I woke up feeling a little depressed today. As I meditated, prayed and began again, the naggy feeling wouldn’t go away. So I explored why?
Skip this next paragraph if you have NOT been diagnosed clinically depressed…
(Before I explain any further, this is my disclaimer…If you have been diagnosed clinically depressed and have a prescription, continue working with your doctor and CONTINUE to take your meds! I know you immediatly want to argue with me because you hate taking meds, but trust me I know what I am talking about. It is okay you can still enjoy this journey and learn from my writings, classes and or celebrations and YES, I hope someday your doctor says, “You are completely healed” However, until then please continue your regimen. I have some new ones with my leg that ,grrrr, sometimes irritate me too, but it is for my healing, so I continue!)
Why would anyone, with all that I have and how blessed I am, ever be depressed? I asked myself. I have felt down times when something energy shattering has happened. That is a normal sadness…losing a loved one, focusing on lack of, feeling inadequate, you know, the normal sadness or depressed emotions throughout life.
So WHY do we, who have everything and are enjoying life, to its fullest, have these times, where you just want to go back to bed?
Of course, I had to look up the definition of depression…
Is it just me or do both of those definitions combine together to mean…Less Than?
Wow! Yes, depression means less than. Which makes a great deal of sense, even clinically diagnosed, have less than or too much of something which is to the extreme, creating an emotion of ‘less than.’
Hmmmm, could it be a depressed emotional state is as simple as allowing the mind to remember what you have lacked and how less than you are now.
This becomes more and more intriguing to me. If I woke up a bit depressed today, enough to say, “I just don’t feel good today.”
What ‘lack’ am I focused on? I am improving daily, have very few true worries, my family is wonderful and becoming more and more extraordinary by the day.
I figured mine out! Have you figured out yours?
At first I was planning on sharing my ‘conclusion’ as to why in the world I would be depressed! However, I am allowing you to have your own reason. This allows you to NOT have my experience to compare to. Whether your reason is a better reason or not. Because, pssst…your reason is good enough!
Whatever, it is you feel less than about, right now, I want you to go to a mirror and say, “I love you! You are enough and I love you, I love you, I love you! Go ahead! If you are at a crappy job, with a mean and degrading partner, or you are beating yourself up…it doesn’t matter at this moment, excuse yourself, for a minute and say to you, “I love you and I accept you!”
It works! It resets, the ‘lack’ that is deep rooted in your subconscious, to enough and acceptance.
Depressed? Don’t know why? Now you know why. Not saying a little down time, every now and again, isn’t necessary because it most definetly is! However, the sooner you can stop those emotions the better! So begin today…I love myself, I accept and appreciate me! Over and over.
When and if someone is degrading you begin to hum hum hum 🎶🎶🎶🎵🎶🎵 I love and accept myself!!! La di da…I appreciate me 🎶🎶🎶🎵🎶🎵.
Allow the beautiful words to be what you hear rather than the vomit, coming out of theirs. If you are beating yourself up because of lack, STOP.
You nor anyone else can change what has been. No one! Now decide, can I proceed in this environment, reliving the past or accusing myself of lack, for the rest of my life? Psssst, I will tell you a secret, If you want to be happy you must focus on abundance and leave the ‘lack of’ in the past!
So am I still depressed? No, just grateful for the emotion to explore and share!
(This is where we want to do a Seminar on Happiness, next year, let me know what you think?)
Listen…👂you are capable of abundance in life…love, financial and spiritual! You do deserve the best for you and in turn your best will be the best for everyone.
My greatest hope…is if you are struggling with depression, you will search for where you feel less than and begin to accept you can’t change the past, so look ahead look up and feel abundant.
I have chosen Sundays as my fundays. They have been for fifty two weeks, ever since the beginning of my new, enlightened, fantastic, super, journey began! This is probably going to be a little bit sappy, today, because Sundays are my grateful days.
Therefore, if I ramble a bit, I will let you know when to skip over to the ‘message’ for you to have, keep and do with what you choose.
Every Sunday, that I have stuck to my goal, I have learned so much! From how to have even more fun in living to new ways to feel the terrific and delicious emotions, of all aspects of this life.
(Rambling skip this paragraph if you would like)
If I were to describe my newest feelings, emotions and knowledge, it would be something like this: Imagine…standing at the top of a mountain, at the very tip top, looking down over a valley filled with lush greenery, laughter, movement and the clouds along with the sheets of blue to offer a back drop that creates a peaceful, yet exhilarating breeze, flowing directly towards you. To accept the gentle breeze, directly before it reaches your body, you open your arms and fully accept the cool breeze to overtake your entire body!
In life, we have such a unique opportunity! We can actually feel, our way to bliss, joy and peace.
(Back on task)
As I began to read #The Essential LOUIS HAY Collection, I questioned what I said to myself before, I rolled out of bed? And how many mixed signals I had already sent to my subconscious by noon. Of course I had said my affirmations. I had prayed. I had said a little pep talk to myself. Kissed Eric…Okay all is great! Right? Not exactly.
What? Teena! What is wrong? My mind races to my past, looks for a connection. Nope, been letting alot of that go, so I thought it might have been there, but noooo. It’s not what’s wrong. When I was a little girl, my Baw Baw would whisper, “Sometimes you get a hunch or a gut feeling? You know what I mean?”
Well I now allow those strange feelings or emotion of ‘something’ not being quite right and learn from them. Don’t dismay the fact that we were all born with an intuition which is the same as those weird feelings, my wonderful grandma always talked about. However, today my off feelings were because of me. Me and my chatter to myself.
You see, as I carefully read the words of Louise Hays,
Hmmmm…yes, I think I began my day off okay. I began with grateful, sent great love to all I know, I cooked breakfast…ohhh I think I got it!
So she means, what I say to me, about me, that matters?
You see as I jump off the high dive and plunge directly into the deep waters of entrepreneurship, I have found an entirely new set of deep- hidden insecurities!!! I have literally been doing exactly what my first book was entitled,”Stop Beating Up Your Best Friend! I was beating myself up, minute by minute.”
If you could physically see what I have been doing to me, shew it would be U G L Y! A broken leg would be nothing to the abuse I have been giving to myself. In one writing, Louise questions”What do you say to yourself about yourself?”
I began to collect, by journaling, all the ugly, mean, degrading things I said about myself. I couldn’t stand to go back any further than yesterday! It was too painful!!!!
If you knew me, well you would probably be shocked to hear this! However, it’s true and I am so grateful to have gained this knowledge. You will be relieved to know, I forgave myself. I am dedicating each moment to utilizing the Hawaiian: Ho oponopono prayer. (Please check my spelling on this).
As the day evolved, it was terrific! I continuously repeated I approve of myself, I love myself and I accept myself. Over and over! Said it, sang it, chanted it too. Still, not much change. It almost felt as though my mind was waiting for me to say it again, so it would have a quick response to shut my kind words down.
After a beautiful bike ride and time spent with my husband, I continued the process, in my head, “I approve of myself, I approve of me, myself and I.
By 6 o’clock in the morning, I had probably repeated this 100 times or more since, I took the challenge. I said it over and over, “I love you and I accept/approve of me (talking to myself).”
But I found that this is no different than forming a new habit! Not that it is hard labor, but to change what you say about you, to you and others…now this is tedious.
While fulfilling my Toastmasters role for the morning, I thought before I spoke, I attempted to stay calm and on task. Now almost chanting in my head were multiple ways to say, I APPROVE OF ME, I approve of what I said, whispering, singing, I felt like Dory, instead it was just keep approving, just keep approving.
Has it helped? I think that question needs to be on hold, until a little more research has been completed. However, I do know one thing, I am much more aware of what I was doing to myself than ever before.
I feel super grateful for this amazing journey. Everytime, I write I become more and more invested into Livelove’s mission and/or vison.
Don’t forget we will be presenting a few of our ‘how to’ BE Happy techniques, as well as, share with you, some new and exciting news about the company. Dec. 8th, 7 o’clock, Madison Indiana.
As I work on my third project in Toastmasters I reflect back on my students practicing for Beta Speech project. I can hear me barking orders, “Stand up straight, Make eye contact, be bold, be courageous! You can do this!!!” I remember always writing down note to self, always begin speech project in the beginning of the year so we can practice the skills necessary instead of a month or six weeks. Why? You might ask? Let me give you my list: 1. It is not the topic, it’s the skill. 2. Also if I began in the beginning I wouldn’t have to hear the ‘Beta’ speech 1000 times in six weeks. Ugh dreadful! 3. I could use the skills to teach a topic or two in Science, hmmm my thoughts during reflection time are amazing. Anywhooooo back to project three: ‘Stick to the Point’ you know my point or message to ‘stick to’ never changes. Never! Yes, I can teach you how to learn anything. I can also motivate and inspire you (It’s what I do). However, my point is…Be Happy as much as possible. Take a moment to feel your way through life, through each day, each moment. I have many techniques and fun projects, to help you perfect this way of life. I have games, jingles, journal entries, projects, coaching, mantras, cheers, speeches and anything else necessary to help YOU KNOW YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND LOVED! My point is live your life intentional!!!! ‘Be Happy’ by choice. I would never be able to write a speech about finances or politics. It would even be difficult for me to give one about Scientific topics, which I know a great deal about. Because my message is loud and clear! Therefore, sticking to the point is not difficult, but… Frankly, condensing this message into a small time frame, that is my challenge. Becuase in a normal setting I wouldn’t agree to, 5 to 7 minute speech. Because those first few minutes are my moments to feel the crowd, feel the needed message. What do they need? To accomplish their goals, to fulfill their destiny of being happy, 99 percent of the time. And during that one percent of down time, you know how to use those frustrations to guide your way back. Back to feeling good, back to laughter and happiness. Back to knowing what makes YOU HAPPY and how you know. You see, I have no problem teaching you ‘how to’ give a speech or multiply and divide. I have no issue with writing a’Speech’ for 5 to 7 min. Nor do I struggle with what the point is. However, to prepare for you to hear this and receive the necessary message, now that is sometimes, a hurdle for me. Not a mountain, just a hurdle or two for me to jump. As the business evolves minute by minute, I feel the awesome pull or tug to take another step. I am now at the point I know when to pause… And wait for you to absorb. I no longer become nervous when telling you about our mission and/or vision, Because? Because I am allowing and receiving, but most of all I am listening. My speech ended up being mediocre at best. I won the ribbon, labeling me ‘Best Speaker.’ However, all I could think or hear were the loud screaming voices in my head shouting, “No, I don’t want a reward! No please, I am begging you don’t label me Best Speaker! This is not a contest for me! I am not here to win!!! I have done all that! I have almost died, literally, because I have been so competitive. I don’t need validation anymore. I am here to help you! Help you succeed at anything you want to succeed at. If it’s find your spiritual desires so be it, if it’s find your passion, that’s okay too! If it’s none of the above and really all you want is to feel good…got that too!” Yes, I felt overly dramatic about my third project. I wrote the speech, rehearsed it, planned out what I was working on and blew it (in my mind). Almost everyone was touched by my heart felt ending and my passion for…Wait for it…that craft that I know so well…TEACHING? Yes, you read it first here, I blew my ‘Sticking to the Point’ speech because I switched points. I am not sure what point I found nor what point they received but I can tell you I knew I blew it! (Yes, you may laugh hysterically at my flubbed up speech). Then what is my message? Ohhh, pst, (lean in so I can whisper in your ear), “Be happy. Enjoy your life the best you can! If something isn’t right, meditate and listen, you DO Know the best answer for you! Feel your way through all decisions. Some days just go back to bed!!!! But only every now and then! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy enjoy feel it!!” Point given. Livelove & Carryon
Good Morning!! This is my favorite day of the week!! Yes, believe it or not Monday mornings are my favorites, actually the entire day is!!! Isn’t that funny? I wish I could explain, one thing is for sure…it’s my FAVORITE DAY! As I was plugging in to my morning a Teena moment came to me! What if your paradigm or past was obsolete? Suddenly, out of no where…no one knew you and you had no recollection of anyone? What would you do differently?
Let me tell you about a little boy who challenged me everyday, yet said to me one day, “Do you know why I love you Mrs. Drake? Because you always accept me as a new me, the next morning.”
What???!!!! I think he must be talking about another teacher. Because everyday I prayed he would be a new him in the morning. And you can’t imagine how many days I thought, “I love you, but I don’t know if I can make it another day!”
I don’t care who you are, we all have people in our lives like this. Whether it be a student in your classroom or a Co worker, it doesn’t matter who they are it’s who or what you know about them.
After this thought about, your past being erased, I thought of that little boy, who believed in me because he felt like I believed in him! And I did!!!
This thought took me on a fun journey of emotions. Because I now know why that little boy said that!
I had him in 3rd grade and five years later I had him in 8th grade. Before 3rd grade began, I was handed 18 files to read and learn about my students. Their strengths, weaknesses and behavior issues. I read one!!!! (Which coincidentally he transferred out and I never had him). I closed the first folder and quietly walked to the office with all files in arms. I remember the look on our secretaries face (who I adore) when I said, “Can I have a copy of their medical files only? And any IEP’s?”
You know she wanted to say, “Are you stupid? You are holding them.”
However, I think the color still fading from my face and the weakness in my knees, explained it all!”
When I explained how I couldn’t educate effectively if I knew all the other opinions and data from their past. She was speechless. But it never did work with me!!!! My feelings were a great deal can change in one summer. There are so many factors that play into a person/students learning abilities, maturity, behavior ect… Yes this carries on with good or bad signals.
For example: That little boy was a day by day case, EVERYDAY. However, the first three weeks of school, I never knew this child had any trouble at all. He read at a 5th or higher grade level, he was loving, kind and amazing. (And still is to this day).
Then one day he didn’t come to school, then another. When he did return it was like a switch had turned on. His peers were constantly irritated with him, he would poke them, write on their papers…I mean I was in a state of grrrr!
What did I do? Funny thing is I didn’t realize it then, but now I see I did what came natural. I went with what I knew. I had built my own perspective of this child. Therefore, his paradigm to me was an intelligent, sweet, funny and kind child. I knew nothing about his past teachers opinions, his home life or his, let’s call it persistent personality, to ensure his life was as he wanted it. His paradigm was wiped clean as for me. That is why we had the discussion, EVERYDAY, “Tomorrow is a new day! You, my intelligent, well behaved, studious young man will begin again and tomorrow will be even better!”
Yes, we had that same conversation hundreds or maybe even thousands of times from 3rd grade, then 6th through 8th!
Did I change him? Nooo I do know I loved him, as a student. I do believe I helped him see a better him. And if you knew his real life paradigm, you like me, would be tempted to provide him with excuses. However, how would that help him? Or me or anyone else who might struggle with his quirky, nontraditional ways.
Ask yourself, “If my paradigm was wiped clean right now (and I was healthy bla bla bla), what would I want my new one to be?”
It is not to scare you, but just think…if you didn’t worry about the past, if no one had something to hold against you from 30 years ago (yes, people still claim to know someone even if they haven’t spoken to them in 30 years, that’s crazy to me). Not that you live your life based on other people’s opinions, just a fun little thought.
Next time you begin to become irritated with someone or something stop and ensure this is a reaction towards this particular incident and not a reaction based on the past. When you begin to live for or to feel good, life is paradise with a twist.
The twist being those small, quiet irritating moments to remind you of how you want your memories/paradigm, to be in one day, a month, a year or even years.
The pages are unwritten and you my friend are holding the pen!