Tag Archives: Fear

Tony’s Letters

It was a cool Autumn day. The leaves along the hillside had began to change to their delightful tones of red, yellow, and burnt orange to decorate for the autumn season.

I had drove to town to ‘check’ Sunshine Messages post office box. With little to no expectations of finding a letter. It had been brought to my attention that ‘snail’ mail was considered a thing of the past, so why would I believe anyone would take time to write Sunshine Messages?

As I stood next to the recycling bin tossing one advertisement after the other into a sea of unwanted ‘junk’ mail, something caught my eye! A small, crumpled, letter. It was difficult to read due to the smudged letters on the outside. The address was correct…P.O. Box 173 Milton Ky. 40045. But it was not made out to Sunshine.

Hmmmm, I curiously flipped it back and forth attempting to decide if it was placed in the wrong mail box or if it was indeed a letter for Sunshine?

Leaving the rest of the rubbish behind, the letter went with me! It couldn’t have much in the envelope it was so small. It smelled of cherry cigars & tears. Who was this from? Without a return address, my curiosity was building more and more.

As I carefully opened the crumpled, envelope to read this mysterious note…I found 2 letters. They both had been ripped apart, tapped together, crumpled & tore several times. One, in particular, was extremly difficult to read. As I unfolded the first letter, I had to carefully pull pieces of tape apart in order to open it. It appeared that this letter was held together with tape & prayers.

The handwriting was messy & whoever had written this note must have been in a hurry!

“I am sorry I couldn’t take it anymore, I Love You All So Much. I do not want to hurt you. I am sorry daddy, I cannot be the star quarter back anymore. But know I Love You I really do Love You! I am So Sorry. Love, Tony.

Was this a joke? Who would send this to Sunshine? What do they want? The questions raced through my head!

Laying this note aside, I quickly opened the newer, less stained and damaged letter.

Hoping to find answers, as to why I have this worn, tattered, pieced together, smudged letter that made little sense to me! Who is Tony? And why is his letter in my post office box. The second letter read:

Dear Sunshine,

I have read your blog, watched your recordings & I am begging for your HELP!

You see this is my Son’s suicide note! I have wept many times over these worn & tattered pieces of paper. Begging & hoping to turn back time. Wondering how I can forgive myself for being such a terrible father and how I can forgive my son for not talking to me before he did what he did.

You are my last attempt. I have contemplated taking my life several times, even as I write this letter my desperation feels as if it will take me over. I have been put on antidepressants, spoke with countless counselors/psychiatrists, mediums and psychics.

I have a beautiful daughter and wife. However, I know they are growing weary of my depression.

My wife explained, two weeks ago, she had been thinking about leaving me. Not because she does not love me, but rather she cannot stand to see me in such a terrible state of mind and feels she cannot help.

They are the reason I continue to wake up everyday. I would ‘end it all’ if it weren’t for these beautiful ladies in my life. However, I love them so much and I realize how terrible the pain is when you lose someone to Suicide, that I cannot hurt them like that.

A friend of mine requested I try one last attempt to heal. She explained how you had assisted her when she had to say goodbye to her husband 2 years ago.

She told me how you eased her pain by providing her with Sunshine Messages. “If it weren’t for ‘Sunshine’ I wonder how I would have pulled through”, was her comment to reassure me you could help.

Therefore, I am writing to request HELP! In fact I have NEVER let go of his letter as I did to mail it to you. Yes I made a copy. However, this letter is his actual handwriting from the pen he wrote before he…

I am unsure if you can help me. However, I am Desperate! I am at the end of my rope! I do not have anywhere else to turn.

My address is included at the bottom of this note.

Here is what I would like to do. May I write a message to my Son, Tony and you deliver it?

Write back as soon as possible or email me.

Please, please, please do what you can!

Sincerely yours, Charles

I immediatly sat down to write him a quick note, explaining this might be beyond my capabilities. This was a great deal of responsibility and fear had come over me.

For example, what if I couldn’t assist him and he took his life, I would feel terrible. I suggested he call the Suicide Prevention hotline & return to his psychiatric care, immediately. My note was short & sweet, but definitely to the point.

I addressed the envelope and hurried off to return his and his son’s  letter. I ensured I would send him good energy and hoped he found his inner peace & forgiveness.

I sent the letter and washed my hands of that.

The following day, the lady. who had sent Charles my way, contacted me. “I hope you do not mind I sent you another person to assist in living his Best Life.”

She explained a bit more about his situation.

Apologetically, I told her how I wrote him back declining the opportunity to assist.

Although she was disappointed, she seemed to understand my decision. (Which was fear talking).

About a week had passed and I heard nothing more. I did wonder if I had made the best decision, I guessed he went on to seek assistance else where. I had already lost a great deal of sleep over his letters therefore, I feel that no news is good news.

Everything was back to ‘normal’ in Sunshine’s world!

Two more weeks had passed. My routine visit to the post office, continued to be standing at the recycling bin disposing of all the ‘junk’ mail!

As I tossed the last four Dish Network advertisements in the recycling bin I turned on my heels and begin to leave. Then I heard a sweet little voice , “Are you Sunshine?”

Funny thing is…I was on the verge of cancelling the post office box and focusing on texting or email. Maybe everyone was right? (I thought to myself) I mean this letter idea is not going to work. No one writes or mails letters anymore. My clientele was growing and everyone seemed to enjoy the text messages/emails, just fine. This P.O. Box was a waste of time…right?

I replied, as I looked up to see who was asking, “Yes, I am Sunshine. Why?”

A young lady in her early teens was standing there, staring at me with her hand outstretched holding a Pink envelope addressed to Sunshine.

“Where did you find that? Did I drop it?” I asked.

“No,” she curtly replied. Continuing to hold the envelope out, as if she was a little put out with me for not taking the letter.

The two seconds of silence were extremly uncomfortable. As I reached out to take the letter, she never seemed to blink or take her eyes off of me. I slowly attempted to take the letter and she pulled it back slightly, tilted her head, inhaled deeply, then in a snide yet calm tone, she asked, “Can you handle this? I helped you the first time because you doubted, but now it is up to you, Sunshine.”

“Okay, I do not know who you are nor do I understand what you are talking about, but if that is addressed to me…please give it to me.”

I took the envelope and as I read who it was addressed to…’Sunshine’, I was saying, “Thank You,” simultaneously.

Our conversation continued as I peered at the envelope with extreme curiosity. I was blabbing about my thoughts, inspecting the color and wondering if this young woman knew who it was from. As I began to ask, “Do you know who…”

I looked up to read her facial expression, attempting to infer her role in delivering this hot pink envelope. And…SHE WAS GONE! POOF! HAD VANISHED IN THIN AIR!

I quickly ran to the door, pushed it open looking for this young lady. I would never forget her expression and how she made me feel so strange. She was kind yet staunch. Cold with a twist of warmth.

Where did she go? Who was this young lady? She was not in the Post Office when I arrived…hmmmm where did she come from?

Startled and confused I left with the Pink envelope in hand! I couldn’t help but continue to look for the messenger. I wondered, where she came from and where she went. I was confused and filled with curiosity. What was she talking about, “Can I handle this and she helped me the first time?”

I have never seen that girl before, in my life! How could she have helped?

Maybe, the contents in this letter will answer some of my questions. As I carefully opened the letter I could smell a strawberry scent coming from the pink lined paper carefully folded and tucked into the nice neat Pink envelope. The letter said,

Dear Sunshine,

Thank you so much for my letter. It was if you had already received my letter to my son! I do not know how you did that, but your letter has changed my life! I cannot thank you enough. I hope you will have time to send some more letters. They assist me in forgiving Tony and I can make it through one more day. Thank you from The bottom of my heart, Sunshine! Your friend was correct in saying your messages can be described as magical. My only regret is that I didn’t write you sooner.

You see I have been mourning Tony for five years and until your letter, I have cried myself to sleep night after night, since the day we lost him! I have attempted to hide my sadness, but my daughter, who is now 15, begged for me to get help. She said she misses her daddy and she is beginning to feel hatred towards her brother because of it.

When she said she could hate her brother is when something snapped in my head! Was I actually HATING my son for doing what he did? I knew I Hated myself, but I thought my mourning was because I Loved and missed him so much. I do not want my daughter or myself to hate Tony.

Then, out of complete desperation, I wrote that first letter to you. I did not have any expectations that you would return a response nor if it would help me heal.

I am here to tell you that letter…Changed My Life! I still have a great deal of healing to do and am hoping you will continue to assist me. My daughter has already noticed a difference in me, in this short amount of time.

When she asked what I was ‘doing’ to heal? I replied with enjoying some Sunshine 🌞.

Thank You Sunshine for everything! My letter from my son was the best medicine. (Yes, I know it was from you, but it helped me so much and you even signed it the way he always did! Thank you!).

I have written him another letter and am sending it to you separate from this one. I hope you do not mind, I looked up your favorite color and am sending my letters in that color to ensure they do not become mixed up in the many other letters you receive.

Thank you, once again, for assisting me. I know you are extremly busy and I so appreciate you taking on my case!

One more thing… I made a donation to your PayPal, I do hope it is more than enough.

Thank you, Charles

I read his letter at least twenty times. I was puzzled & confused.

Didn’t I write him a letter explaining how I couldn’t help? Hmmmm…my mind was racing with questions. Who was the young lady? Who is Charles? And how did he receive a letter from his son, yet from Sunshine? I didn’t write it!

The next few days I felt quite intrigued. I went to the post office every day for five days…Nothing! Oh of course there were a few more pieces of junk mail, but definitely not a Pink letter addressed to Sunshine. I had mixed emotions. Some days I hoped a letter would arrive and other days I felt like it was a hoax. Then…

IT HAPPENED! All alone, no advertisements, other letters, nothing was in my PO Box except 1 hot pink envelope addressed to Sunshine!

Instead of smelling like cherry cigars and tears it smelled of strawberries and cream. I quickly retrieved the letter and practically ran to my car.

Recognizing, I should wait to read this at home…I tore it open, in the parking lot and began reading!

Dear Tony,

It is funny all of my therapist have instructed me to write you letters, but I refused. All this time I focused on your death and my own suffering. I am so sorry! Thank you for forgiving me and knowing how much I Love You!

I wish you didn’t have to go as early as you did, but I now understand a little better of your pain and suffering. I will try to keep my letters on the lighter side, but sometimes I May need to tell you about my sorrow. It seems to be a path to help me heal. I have been so angry with you for the past 5 years that I have missed out a great deal. I will try to do better. I Love You My Son! Thank you for taking the time to write back and letting me know you forgive me, for not being able to help you.

I must admit the young lady, Lindsey, has truly suffered a great deal. She blames herself for breaking up with you and everytime she sees Mom, Jessica or myself tears fill her eyes and she makes a point to hug us and tell us all she loves us.

I wish you would have held on a little longer. You would have recognized that the pain from the break up or from all the other pieces of your life, would pass.

Jeremy took your place as quarter back and he did okay. He is now attending Kansas State. He did not continue playing sports after graduation. However, before EVERY GAME…He would pull the team to huddle and shout over and over, “Win this for Tony!”

The year you passed they didn’t win a single game! But, Senior Year…We won STATE! With a great deal of tears! The team lifted Jeremy up and chanted, “WE WON IT FOR TONY!!!”

Your school counselor included you in her graduation speech and of course, so did the class president & your best friend Damon.

One comment was, “Tony’s body may have passed on, but his Great Big Happy Spirit guided us through to this day. Our final page the day we all spread our wings and fly. We hope you are smiling down on us and that we made you proud.”

Oh, how I have missed you! I am so sorry you regretted it the second after you pulled that trigger. I know how you feel, I have regretted many things the second you thought it was okay to leave us!

I will never ‘move on’ or forget you my Son! However, I do hope for more peace & understanding, especially now that I have your letter. And hope for many more to arrive.

Until next time, know that I Love You to the Moon & Back. I Love You for all eternity! I simply wish I could turn back time.

Love with All of My Heart, Daddy! 

At this point I can only infer what Tony had replied back with. How did this happen? What could or how could I have possibly sent a letter from his deceased son.

My mind could not calm down. I questioned everything. Yes, I Loved Providing Sunshine Messages, but did I lack the confidence neccessary to continue this? Hmmmm…my uncertainty turned into anxiety and I needed to pause for a mindful moment.

As I layed on my yoga mat and attempted to focus on my breath, I continued to see the young lady firmly holding ‘my letter’. And then her smirk on her face as she acted like I was irritating her! Her words swirled in my head, “Can you handle this?”

Who does she think she is? Questioning me? Who are you? And what if I cannot handle this?

My mindful moment was becoming a gripe session from all the events of the day. I tossed and turned until I slipped off into a afternoon nap.

Of course, my dreams included letters, request, snide remarks, people all swirling around and mixing together.

One message that seemed to stand out was, “Write him back.”

“Write Who?”

But the who did not seem to matter! I heard the message again and my response was extremely loud as I sat up, abruptly ending my nap, and shouted, “Write WHO?”

I sat at my writing station, grabbed an ink pen and began to write. To who? No one. I simply wrote words that came to me. Some made sense others did not. I simply continued to listen to my mind…Happy that I communicate some love enjoy little laugh more never put a period no ending just beginnings journeys with you I journey with you alot ventures tough I am help yes healing forgive all allow happy love your guy Tony

I read it 100 times. I questioned do I send this to Charles? It doesn’t even make sense. I mean I guess it does a little bit, but not really. Maybe I should edit it? Nope, that answer was clear. What did I do? I addressed the envelope to Charles I took a trip to the post office and I mailed it!

When Charles received the letter he immediatly emailed me…”Thank You, Sunshine!”

To be Continued: if you would like to read more of ‘Tony’s Letters’ Stay tuned because we are releasing this story one surprise at a time!

Livelove & Carry On!

Written by: Teena/Sunshine Drake!

I hate you, I hate her, did you know what she said? I hate him too!!!!

Ever had a friend like this? No matter what the conversation, it is how much they hate something about you, their ex, and sometimes even their children. 

Ever analyzed or pondered what they are actually saying? “I Hate ME!” And everytime ‘I hate’ is stated it is not about anyone else, but rather ourselves or whoever says it. (Whether positive or negative the vibration always returns to where it came from). 

Let me see if I can explain it differently…

If you hate math and continually tell others how much you hate math. How useless it is and how you will never be good at math. You are focusing on what is, ‘I hate Math.’

After you begin to LIVE this pattern of ‘hating’ math you tell others why, when, where, and how you are never going to love math. Yet it continually shows up in your life. Every state exam, GED, even Science and Social Studies, math shows up. But you won’t give up and neither will it. Evertime you exhibit the emotion towards math the emotion returns over and over again. Because the truth is life without math is not complete ;). 

How do you get off the horse, bouncing up and down, on the Merry go round? Change your vocabulary. One at a time. Find everything you do love about math!

Wow! I love knowing how to tell time because I know when it is five o’clock or break time. Or I love earning money (which is all about math… time+effort+desire=outcome/monetary reward). Or what about vacation…how much, how far, time, destination and AWE five o’clock cocktail under the cabana! 

If you are continually telling the story of, “I hate you, I hate her, him and all of them!”

You will quickly find others will regurgitate whatever you tell them. For example, I have this dear friend of mine and he told me all the things he hated in fifteen minutes or less about four or five people. I allowed him this opportunity, intentionally. When I paused and requested to know what he liked (not loved) just liked, he continued to spout off all the negative crud he is receiving and ‘what is’ being done to him by a select group of people. 

A few days later I was in town and spoke to a few of the people he had been complaining about. Guess what? They said, “He hates us, now. He has done this, that and oh so much more. I don’t care anymore he is damaged and isn’t going to improve. He only likes himself.”

Hmmmmm do you see any similarities? After listening to their side I quietly asked, “Do you believe all that?”

But guess who did believe all those hateful acqusations? He did. Therefore, his life had become filled with what he was focusing, talking, and dwelling on. 

Was this his intention? NOOOO. And with just a little tweaking of his vocaulary he could altar the outcome.

What if we all paused immediatly after stating something crappy about someone else and asked ourselves, “Why did we even think to say that? What part about them do I not like and in return, I don’t like about myself?”

I know it is ‘difficult’ to accept that we create our own destiny. And if you would like to discuss this bold and true statement I am more than happy to oblige. 

What is the story you choose to tell? Is it the poor me or the bold, beautiful, powerful me? Enjoy your choice, if your story is not generating joy…CHANGE IT! 

Livelove LLC Life Coaching like never before. 

We are changing the world with one happy thought at a time! Want to join in on the fun? Livelove.teena@gmail.com send me an email! All it has to say is, “Hi!”

You can also message me, I do quite a bit of coaching over messenger as well. 

Here are the steps-

  1. Message/email/text Livelove or Teena Drake —  Hi or Hello
  2. I will email you a short waiver  and directions of how the coaching services work.
  3. Pay 25 dollars over Paypal,Wordpress, Facebook or by credit card (Unless other arrangements have been made).
  4. Your Coaching will begin. 
  5. Our life Coaching includes- Weightloss, Stop smoking, relationships (love), self confidence, parenting, beauty, academics, depression, anger, romance and even those IRRITATING moments when you want to pull your hair out! 

I haven’t found another program like ours and the most important information is it is FUN!!!!! 

Sending you great love and even more laughter! I hope you laugh until you pee your pants or at least until your best friend does! 

As always we wish for anyone who reads or shares these posts that you will remember, EVERYONE has a story, we love hearing yours, but most importantly…

Remember to 

Livelove

Carry On

God Bless! 

Written & Copywrite by: Teena Drake (Sunshine)

 

Why do you do what you do, Boo Boo?

As I listen to this beautiful musical arrangement @Music Choice the questions roll through my head. Who is this musician and why does she do what she does? Why does she create beautiful music, with no vocals? For the sole purpose of acquiring fame and fortune?

Why are you angry with your adult child? What did he/she do or say to provoke your anger? He dropped out of college? How silly would you feel if you lost him/her and they weren’t there for you to be angry with?

Why do you get up and go to work each day? Just because you are paid? Or is there more to it, than that?

As I bounced from person to person in pursuit of this ever so demanding question, I finally received a small light of hope. When I asked this beautiful lady she replied with my first answer…

“Teena, why would you ask such a terrible question? Have you ever thought, many do not know why they do what they do?”

Let me ask you, “Why do you do what you do, Boo Boo? Do you know? Have you analyzed your emotions to answer this simple yet complex question? Isn’t it important for you to understand WHY?”

So if:

Work=Pay, Pay+Pd bills=Comfort, Comfort=Shelter+Nourishment

Anger=Fear, Fear+Resistance= Anger, Anger=Fear+Fear

The answer to: Why do you do what you do, Boo Boo? Is…

To accomplish the universal goal! What is the Universal Goal? To Better!

Think about that until next time…

Why do you do what you do, Boo Boo? to feel better, do better, to BETTER!

Next Topic is The Universal Goal! I can’t wait for you to read it. It will ignite your life! But if until then or anytime you need a little extra help email me…Livelove.teena@gmail.com

It might be time for you to receive the coaching necessary to LIVE the life you always wanted. To feel the best you have ever felt and most importantly…

Livelove

&

Carry On

Written by: Teena Drake

God Bless Each Of You!!! Sending you great love!

 

 

Change is inevitable; Self Doubt is a reminder

As we all know change occurs second by second, whether you control the change or simply allow it, now that ‘changes’ EVERYTHING! However, what about self-doubt? What part of self-doubt can assist us in dealing with or controlling the change in our lives?

Could it be that self-doubt is a reminder that you can control how the, inevitable changes, occur in your life.

If we know changes are going to happen, we know everything in our lives, is not going to stick to the plan, why not utilize those ‘not so good’ self doubting, moments to empower you?

How? Simple, recognize that self- doubt is that friend that forces you to think about the worse case scenario. No, I am not an advocate for ‘what ifs’ however, what if, this doubt serves a vital purpose in accomplishing great things or taking the simpler, more paved road and enjoying the ride.

Either or the opportunity to recognize this moment of wallowing in what has been or could be, can be (if you choose) a great asset to your ‘happiness’ tool box.

Next time you experience that moment of OMG! What am I doing? How will I find my path? I can’t do this, I am not good enough! Moments, choose a time to let it go.

For example: You are stepping out on a limb, the limb feels wobbly and you are contemplating what can, will or might happen. You would weigh all the outcomes/options and either set a limit of how far you can go or keep walking and see what happens. Either or you will have change. You will have an outcome. You also chose all of those outcomes!

Set a time frame to poop or get off the pot. If you want to control or learn to enjoy all changes, when self-doubt appears, allow it for a set time or space.

Next, be grateful for the opportunity to weigh all options and MOVE ON. Allow the short-lived negative emotion to propel you into the wonderful, terrific, fabulous life you have always wanted.

I am so excited for us! As I am allowing my life to be utilized as a messenger. A messenger for you and I to live for the best in and of you & me.

I know life has hit you upside the head several times! I know when just arriving in the valley, you struggle with seeing a way to begin climbing to the top, again.

This change has been since the day you were born. When you took that first breath you began adjusting with the changes in environment, how you ate and how you slept.

You have what it takes to live the life you have always wanted. It’s up to you, how long you allow the changes to hit you, like a ton of bricks. Or how you utilize self-doubt. Either or you will have change, you will experience down & out times and only you can decide how to allow self doubt to assist you or hender you.

Livelove

&

Carryon

http://www.livelovellc.org/home

The real mammogram, part two…

Somebody, asked, “Which part of the last story was fiction?”

I giggled a little until I was almost rudely laughing in my friends face! (Good thing she knows me). Anyways, as I attempted to get it straightened out, I replied with, “You know me! I will never admit how silly I am, especially about going to the doctor.”

She looked at me with a half glare and a half stare. However, she figured out I was only admitting SOME of it was true! 😂😂😂

This next story I may have written about, before, but I do hope to help any other big chickens, like me, get their mammogram!

After my crazy escapades throughout the day, I did actually miss my first mammogram! When I arrived, I apologized over and over again. (Thinking, she would be rude and snippy because I messed up the schedule).

The sweet lady, probably around thirty, said, “Calm down! We have mix up in schedules all the time.”

“Now give me a minute, I will look at the schedule and see what we can do.”

I thought, “Wow! She is simply precious!”

As I waited, shifting my foot from one side to the other, looking around and day dreaming of another day I could take off work, to of course, finally get this over with! I think maybe December or… January would be better after the holidays!

My thoughts were rapidly interrupted when, Margaret (whom I thought was a sweetheart) said, “Just have a seat, we have an opening in like fifteen minutes!”

WHAT? Now wait a cotton pickin minute! I wanted to shake my head noooo in a random motion and take off sprinting for the door! I think I can make it if I take proper position, get set, ready, GO! Okay no, I didn’t sprint out, instead I took a seat.

When she called my name, I can remember thinking, you got this, no worries.

The nurse took my vitals and she said, “Calm down Mrs. Drake. You are making your blood pressure be elevated.”

“Okay…I am really trying.”

Then I stepped on the scale and thought I would make a joke, I snickered and said, “I think I need to have somebody break my elbow, so I can’t get the fork to my mouth.” (Laughing and laughing at my own joke).

“Naa, it wouldn’t work they would hook straws together and feed you milk shakes!”

Oh boy, she is good! She never missed a beat, said it and kept on walking. Before she left me in the ‘other’ waiting room, she did giggle and remark with, “That was funny though, keep the utensils from your mouth!” Shakes her head and walks away.

In the beginning it was one large breasted lady sitting with me. She was kind of a mixture between Rosanne and/or the blonde medium, on tv. (But not as dolled up as the medium).

She began, “Hello, it’s your day eh? Mine too! They sometimes get you in and out, but other times you must wait.”

I smiled and didn’t say anything, I couldn’t have anyways!

She continued,”Don’t you hate these things? My husband told me he would take me out for dinner after this because he knows how bad I hate them. Don’t you hate them?” (She sucks in a huge breath of air to ensure she would have enough to finish her rambling).

“I mean and really they could get a better technician, she always has cold hands and a crappy personality. She is not personable. Why do they hire old bitter-bitties to do such a delicate job? I mean it hurts when she smashes these into that machine! Then she says get closer, stand up straight, suck it in, let it out, don’t move. All the while she is pulling and turning my boobs.”

Shew, she took a breath, but only to end with, “Don’t you agree?”

Don’t tell her Teena, just nod your head and let it go! It’s all I could think. However, I am really honest and of course I said, “I don’t know, I have never had one.” (With a quiver in my voice).

“What!!! Oh let me see, let me see.”

She turns me towards her, as if she was going to give me an exam. Looks at my breast and says, “You should be fine, I have alot of boob, so it hurts me more.”

As she was reliving all of her past mammograms and how horrific they were, a small framed, yet tall, lanky woman had slipped in the waiting room and strategically sat down, closest to the door. She quietly, almost as if she were talking to herself, chimed in, “I hate these things, my boobs are so fragile, it hurts and her hands are so cold,” (As if she frequented the mammograms so much, she knew the technician, like they had coffee together every week).

This clucking chatter continued to grow by leaps and bounds. As the loud, boisterous lady continued to attempt to ease my mind, new ladies appeared one by one. All had a new horror story. Some where about others and yet some were almost coming to life, as they relived each detail, of the dreaded, torturing mammogram!

If you have never had one, READ ON! It gets better, I promise!

As each name was called to enter behind ‘The Door’ I decided to change the scene, for me!

I mean (not trying to offend anyone), but I love my breasts. And I will do anything to keep them, even if it is essential, to endure a little pain.

As I slowly approached the gigantic door, I remember, physically lifting the girls up a bit, as to reassure them, “We got this!”

The small, late fifties, technician repeated my name, our eyes met and she began, in a robotical way, to explain what was about to happen and her expectations of me. I listened intently, looking for a joke to slide in and break the ice. There, right there Teena… “Now, Mrs. Drake there might be some discomfort, please just bare with me…”

I abruptly interrupted, “Mmmm I might like it…” (Pause, hold up, rewind, I quickly stopped my silly joke).

“Did you say pain?” (stammering around as if to explain I wasn’t meaning the pain, I would like, ummmmm, I was just trying to joke…)

Okay, it’s time for me to panic. I tried to explain my silly words and attempted to nicely tell her, what all I had been told about her. Of course it came out all wrong and I was for sure, I offended her. Until she had my right girl in her cold, bony hand then added the other one…awkwardly I jumped and shivered, a bit, as she gently placed it where it needed to be. As she began to release and LOWER the smasher hammer (I do not know what it is called), a quick pause, briefly happened and as the fear appeared on my face, we both BURST INTO LAUGHTER!!!!

“I mean do you ever think about telling people what you really think?” I asked as my laughter continued through each word.

“All the time! I mean it’s not like I am going to punch you and I try to be careful, but I only have so much, I can do.”

I chimed in as to assist her in her case, “Exactly, it could be worse.”

Not only did we become friends, I survived my first mammogram without a bruise and both girls intact!

Just remember everything is all based on perspective. How you perceive the world around you is, how you perceive yourself. Follow your path with a joyful heart!

God Loves You, No Matter What!

Livelove

&

Carryon

The message is clear, life is too short to live in fear. Enjoy the now.

Www.livelovellc.org/home

(Hope to see you December 8th!)

Shutup, I am tired of hearing it!

Do you ever get tired of hearing that small nasty voice in your head? You know the one that reminds you of all your past situations or your paradigm?

If you wake up with thoughts that are not uplifting, exciting, good for you and emcouraging, GO BACK TO BED AND FIND THEM.

Similar to this Seal, who is sun bathing. It appears he is dead, but instead he is taking a break without a care in the world!

I realize life is busy and you are probably in a rush however, if you will take the first few minutes of everyday to tell yourself nice and inspiring words you will be surprised how amazing life can and will be.

In other words if you hear nasty statements about you from you say, “SHUTUP! I AM TIRED OF HEARING IT!!!!”

Throw up a red light and STOP!

If going back to bed is not an option then stop rushing around and spewing hateful words out of your mouth about everyone, everything and especially yourself! Look in the mirror and say, “Damn you are good looking and I love you!”

(Listen up, I know saying stuff to yourself may feel awkward at first, but just think, the more you practice the better you will be at it).

Stop! Stop, doubting the power of your words. They do hurt you and although your subconscious is only trying to protect you from past events, coming back and repeating the pain, let it GOOOOOO!!!

Did you know, until we conquer time travel, you nor anyone else can repeat an exact event or correct anything in the past? However, you can enjoy the now, enjoy yourself, love yourself and share the love you found in you, with others.

We can create a brighter world together! We can enjoy the now! Begin with you, tell your subconscious to shutup and begin right now, by saying one nice thing to yourself! You deserve it!

Don’t forget to sign up for December 8th Madison Indiana for more techniques to Livelove & Carryon!

For more information:

http://www.livelovellc.org/home

(I realize the payment links are not working, please accept my apologies! Until we can fix the link, please just register on Facebook or email one of the following emails.)

Livelove.teena@gmail.com

Info@Kentuckiananews.com

Cke96011@gmail.com

God Bless

Livelove & Carryon

Bring it on…

As the questions of: How am I going to pull all this together? Will people want to come to our workshops? How? What? When? Why am I super nervous? I keep responding with, “Bring it on!!!!!”

You know the right path or the least resistance path (Abraham-Hicks) is the one you are on when you feel it! You feel the fear, but it doesn’t overwhelm you. You feel the terrifying what ifs? However, they disappear quickly. Do I continue to step back a couple of steps, tilt my head, view the steps and think OMG, maybe I am wrong? OF COURSE!

Yesterday, I told one of my executives, who I wouldn’t make it with out, maybe I should go back to a J.O.B. As I wallowed in my silly fears. (Jack Cannefield- False, Evidence, Appearing, Real).

Then it happens! I will schedule several steps to accomplish, bringing us one step closer to providing the world happy thoughts, happy life, happy feelings. (Now that is a great deal of happy). Once, I begin my process each morning, someone essential to our growth will call, email or I meet someone while I am out! This doesn’t happen every now and then, it happens each time. It is amazing how that happens.

As I read and study some portions of my favorite authors, the messages are clear. Brian Tracy explains if you don’t set a goal you wont achieve it. Jack Cannefield discusses leaving blame out of the equation and look forward. Zig Ziglar talks about being careful to not get cooked in the squat, like his mother’s biscuits. Dale Carnegie focuses on how to be the best in the business, I love all of his teachings, but I prefer to say, your best not the best (with the switch of wording we can focus on our own growth, which will leave anyone else’s growth out of the equation).  What about one of my favorites, Wallace D. Waddles his book- The Science of Getting Rich. Waddles discusses the thinking stuff, if and when you think it and visualize it, things form from thoughts. Just to name a few of my favorites.

Life is amazing! When you begin to take care of you, everyone and everything else will fall into place. Will you have doubt and fear? YES, but only you can decide what fear and doubt you choose to keep! ONLY YOU! Isn’t that crazy it all boils down to you? In this fact, me.

I say, “FEAR and DOUBT step aside. I have a message to share. It is a lifetime of studying, gathering and depicting what you need to hear. Therefore, BRING IT ON!!!!!!!! I am excited for the new adventures and although I have fleeting moments of doubt they disappear almost as soon as they appear!”

You are wonderful. Decide today to feel your way throughout the day! If you want to take a nap, find a way to take a nap. Look for the good feeling path and although the more resistant path will appear, choose the one that is more fun! They will both take you to your end result, one just hurts a great deal more.

God Bless

I can’t wait to see you at one of our ‘Happy Workshops’ We are going to have So much FUN, FUN, FUN!!!!!!!!

Livelove

&

Carryon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Word of the day, Cultivate

While listening to the phenomenal speakers @earlybird toastmasters Overland Park Kansas, the word of the day was, Cultivate! As I chose the word carefully it was not because I had planned on learning such a vast amount from its very existance, but rather out of need. The main title was Embracing Change. I felt like with harvest season upon our farmers and as sales reps run around to meet the fourth quarter’s quota it ‘fit’ the theme of the day.

However, it has become much more over the past twenty four hours. Think about it if you do not cultivate your plants, you will be empty handed, and have nothing at harvest time. Same pertains to businesses, relationships, families and friends. It is an essential to living a wonderful life, yet probably the most missed step in development.

Think about it! Have you or your company, grown by leaps and bounds because you didnt cultivate your environment? Maybe, but it won’t last long. If you do not cultivate your relationships/environment/yourself, you will quickly find yourself without. Without your lively hood and your dreams will swirl out of sight.

That was super sad! Now you can understand why the one word I chose for the day has become a game changer. The more I thought about the word, the more powerful it became!

Yes, you must plant the seed to be able to cultivate it. However, we wouldn’t be discussing this topic if you hadn’t planted the seed. Why? Because if you haven’t found the initiative to get up and plant the seed then you will have nothing in the end, NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Did you follow that? If not it is worth reading it again (I don’t want to type it twice, so go ahead and scroll back up and read it again).

Anywhoooo, here is your new and improved thought of the day, have fun cultivating your life! Don’t struggle with this! It’s time to enjoy going to your career or place of employment. It’s time to feel accomplished and appreciated. You do deserve it and the more you expect it the more you will receive it.

Cultivate with love this week above all else!

God Bless

LiveloveLLC

One two buckle my shoe…

Three four shut the door, five six pick up sticks…you know the rest of the nursery rhyme. I know it sounds silly, but all my mind has let me do, for several days, is repeat nursery rhymes over and over. Jack be Nimble, Mary had a Little Lamb and so on. Why?

One reason, is my baby boy is off to college and I continually reflect back to the simple times of nursery rhymes. Each time I feel a little sad I think of another one, say it, then become a little relieved with a smile and a giggle. The cycle repeats itself each time we dig through an old box or give away some old action figures.

I am excited about the next adventures in our lives. I am estatic while watching Nicholas grow into a beautiful young man, who is following his heart. He has a plan and is sticking to it.

When I become teary eyed he wraps his big arms around me and says, Mom, I love you and it’s gonna be okay!”

I KNOW, I KNOW! I wouldn’t want to have children who weren’t thriving and following their bliss! I know I can’t fix up the house enough to entice them to stay with me and nor would I want that. However, at this moment at 6 AM, I feel like gathering them all up and saying,”Okay, change of plans! Today, we are all going to curl up on the couch and read Dr. Suess. Or hey let’s go to McDonald’s play land!”

Back to the nursery rhymes…Little Miss Muffett, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…yes, I know it’s a bit creepy. All I can say it is my brains way of coping with the ‘adulting.’ When I become fearful of the changes, I search for something from their childhood that is simple.

Aren’t these emotions normal? As I read my sister-n-law’s blog “When the kids grow up” or @Jennifer Reynolds Drake on Facebook, I feel comforted and realize, I am not alone. Her last paragraph (which I will share her post after I complete this writing) sums it up best: “And now we can settle in the fact that we’ve raised our kids to the best of our ability, we’ve entrusted them into His hands, and that the biggest growth comes from change.”

I realize change is inevitable. I am evolving to a level I have only dreamed of, in the past. Why now? Because for the past twenty six years I have been in my bliss being a mommy. And YES, Jenny, you are correct they still need me and will continue to call, I know that, but it is a little scary.

As for today, I am continuing to reflect on the funny memories and looking ahead to the next chapter. Most importantly I am enjoying each moment in the present! All we have is Right now! Take time to find your moment or nursery rhyme to bring you to a moment of sweetness and enjoy where you are right now.

One-two buckle my shoe, three-four shut the door, five- six pick up sticks, seven- eight lay them straight, Nine-ten let’s do it again, PLEASE!

God Bless!

Livelove

That’s okay punch me again and again I can take it! 

Sound familiar? How many of us say have you ever noticed when it rains it pours? This is very true it appears that deaths come in threes, I don’t know if it is multiples of 3, but you get the idea. Sometimes it feels like one financial tragedy leads to another or another or even another. 

Wait a minute! I guess insufficient funds means insufficient funds across the board. Therefore, it would be a dominoe effect. Meaning yes the more you focus on negative or ‘unhappy’ thoughts the more negative and ‘unhappy’ thoughts will appear. The GREAT NEWS IS…THIS UNIVERSAL LAW GOES BOTH WAYS! 

What? You mean I can begin to think a happy thought and it will go away? Yes, it can be that easy. However, I must admit if you go back and read my past few blogs you will see the ups and downs. Let me explain. I am on this great journey that began with a tragedy…Although I always knew my mission and passion I wasn’t fortunate enough to bring it all together until now 45 years later. However, I am grateful I am where I am now and want to share this journey with you. Okay if you were lost you are up to speed now, you may read on.

Anyways, after my lovely message of freezing negative events in your brain, walk away, bla bla bla. Yes if you read it, you understand. Anyways it is all very true and utilizing that technique is important and easy after you learn how!!! So after I wrote about ways to divert negative energy from punching you when you are down ,is to think happy thoughts and come back to it, I didn’t imagine I would have to test it. However, I did! I guess I should say I was privileged enough to try this technique. However, at the time I didn’t see it coming and shew I learned my lesson fast enough to move on. 

Okay so I am traveling down interstate 70, sunroof open, stero blasting 80s music on satellite radio, blue skys, I had blogged and was feeling on top of the world. Then I get a phone call from a disgruntled daughter who I am happy to hear from, but she proceeds to complain and says something that made me mad. I mean I was really mad in like ten seconds flat. Psycho mom stuff! 

I said, “Okay honey (gritting my teeth while forcing a smile like she could see me) I think we should hang up now. Mommy is driving and doesn’t want to have something bad happen, so I am gonna disconnect this phone call now.”

At that moment I began to think now I understand why people think when they are down life keeps punching them down even further. 

Don’t get me wrong my emotions were real and I had legitimate reasons for being mad, I also explained all of my expectations and how I felt and why I reacted that way and she was all about herself and why was she like that? SHEWY! That was a great deal of typing when all you need to know is recognize…I was more concerned about me, myself, and I than I was about my baby girl. I will admit it. Don’t mistaken me I always put the kids first, but after reading the above writing I was still struggling with letting go of control, which benefits or appeases me! Anyone, who knows me, knows I love and adore my children. This was the dumbest argument we had ever had in our entire lives. That’s how I knew it was a quick trip to a negative environment to look for the correct tool to use when a situation like this arises. 

We hung up and my phone went from 20 percent to zero percent in like five minutes flat. My charger won’t charge and I am getting ready to be riding solo for a few hours. I froze my anger as if it was a still frame from an old film, in my brain. Then I began to brag out loud about my daughter to the air and traffic, I probably appeared to be a lunatic. By the time I could use my phone I had teared up thinking about how amazing of a baby she was and all that she has accomplished in life, in just a short time. 

Many people will agree, it appears life kicks you down when your at your lowest. ( Or something like that). But it goes both ways. I had talked myself into letting go of this argument based on false expectations that no one knew about, except me. I truly just let it go and yes I felt a bit argumentative. However, after I listened to myself and I got over being mad ; I began recalling all of her adorable, funny, looks, sayings or even her long three hour self  written and orchastrared songs.  No the situation didn’t vanish immediatly but as soon as I recognized it for what it is, it vanished. 

That was my opportunity to test the tools and techniques. The argument didn’t become damaging to either of us, when it was over it was over. I even took time to thank her and explain what was going on. We kissed hugged and made up. 

So yes you will have moments that life will knock you down. Work, family, kids, outside events…your job is to find the quickest and simplest way to divert the energy 😋!  Find a happy image or thought to quickly change scenes in your mind. At first this will be a struggle but keep at it, keep practicing because your end result is phenomenal! 

God Bless and remember to Have Fun!!!!