Tag Archives: Funny

Some days are diamonds…

Okay everyone you all should know (because you are a bad blogger, social media guru, author, wife, oh I almost forgot even better a BAD human if you don’t keep up with a million posts, birthdays, anniversaries, moms, dads, aunts…Oh you get the point!)

Anywhoooooo, you may know it is me and my husbands twenty fifth anniversary, today! Yes, November 13 we were married on Friday the 13th!! Because it is my lucky day, if that freaks you out, you might want to stop reading this particular post. Why? You ask? You see my dear friend this won’t be a tribute to how wonderful the past 25 years have been and how he is my hero! But rather a few funny things that enter my mind when you are celebrating your twenty fifth anniversary! with another human. That human who began with you on a journey full of lust, more lust, more sex, and YES EVEN MORE SEX! So keep reading, if you so dare because I am on a roll this morning in paradise and you never know what is going to come out of these fingers 😉!

My first thought of the morning is, on this marvelous anniversary is, get up early so I can clean up and smell good and feel all rarrrrr sexy!!! Mmmmm I am feeling frisky!!! HOLD UP!!! Were you actually about to believe that horse sh_t (Look, I know people cuss and actually in an ‘adult environment I am kind of bad with a couple of my favorites! However, some of the people who I respect in this world are so good to me, that I never want to offend them. Even if they never understand what the hell I am talking about, because I am the weirdest family member they have! You understand, right?).

Where was I? Oh I get up early because doodie calls! Literally, it’s time to pee at 6 am!!! “Come on, it’s my 25th a__ hole, you couldn’t let me sleep a little bit longer?”

Okay, get up, slip on Hawaiian dress, screech open the stuck door that when it opens the entire neighborhood knows, Teena is up her bladder named butthead and butt named donkey are at it again.

I take care of my business…and I pause and think, “Maybe, I should take an early morning shower, he might feel like twenty five years ago. (I drift off back to when hard ons were like the jungle. You saw them as never ending).

Then I thought he probably will wake up feeling frisky, but what about me? (I switch back from my day dream, look in the mirror) I say, “Ehhh it’s early and I probably have to go again, so I have got time to decide for now I will take a nap!”

I mean I was correct on my decision, I did have to get up again in like 30 minutes. Hence, that’s why I am writing this post. I mean I honestly do feel all gooey and ooey about my honey bunny and I am truly more in love with him now, than I was twenty five years ago. Fortunately, we have made it!!!

But come on yall veterans, at this 25 years and beyond! All that hoopla was horse sh_t! Yes, you still love that man if you made it through twenty five years. Yes, you have been through some hard times that won’t seem to leave you alone. YES HOPEFULLY, you have had some good sex, that’s like a cool breeze that will taunt you forever! (If you can’t hear the tune in my head that keeps playing, it is John Denver ‘ Some Days are Diamonds and Some Days are Stone!)

But I must say I am here at twenty five years of celebrating and to be honest I can’t believe some of you woman who have lied and said, ” Ohhh it gets better just hang on one more day it gets better!”

When they for d_mn sure knew it is, what it is!

It is an accomplishment!!!!!!

I will give you that! But everyone’s like what are you going to do on the ‘day’? Don’t you guys want to ‘do’ something together? Like a romantic dinner or sex on the beach or sit and sweetly tell one another how amazing he or she has been for the past 25 years.

Listen up!! If you haven’t told him or her how amazing they are a great deal of the time over the past 25 years — YOU AREN’T CELEBRATING YOUR 25TH ANNIVERSARY! Nope not happening.

Okay, so the funniest questions we have had and I say ‘we’ because I have heard Eric get asked the same questions, are, “Omg, how did you do that? That is so awesome! What is your secret?”

Let’s get one thing straight there are no dag on secrets to marriage of 25 years staying together. Even if there were they would all be individual secrets, this isn’t a one size fits most deal! And noooo, we aren’t from the generation where, “If it’s broke, we don’t junk it we fix it!”

Actually, Eric and I are from the generation of, if it fits for awhile wear it, but things do wear out so throw them away and get new, generation. So nope that’s not the reason we ‘made’ it 25 years.

Ohhh I love this one, ” Mom and dad you guys are amazing. Except, it’s difficult for us kids to live up to that because we want it ‘just like you two!”

Shut the F_ck bleep, bleep, bleep up!!!!

We worked our butts off to ensure you guys had what you needed and wanted to live a happy fulfilling life. Some days it was good we were so broke because it financially made sense to stay together.

Yes, we love all four of you and yes we have enjoyed each of you as well as each other. But kiddos, being best friends is easy because we typically choose people who love what we love to do as are best friends, but as a mommy/ daddy and husband/wife, well that’s more of a role not a choice. Therefore, our only advice to you is live each day one step at a time, if in doubt don’t go out (it says on the beaches in hawaii), but in life I disagree.

Sometime you have to go out when in doubt, nooo not into the ocean, that’s stupidity, but in life. Ensure your doubt is not fear, follow your gut if it feels right then follow that. If a little doubt creeps in or the what ifs creep up, pause to ensure its not an emotion from the past seeping into the present.

Okay back to 25 years that became to deep, but hey we owe our past 25 years to them. Not because we stuck together ‘for the kids’ but rather we stuck together because we remembered how much fun and sex we had BK! (Hahahhaha, Before Kids).

I don’t know where I was going with that!

As most of you know I wrote a ‘Sex Ed’ book and have been working on a relationships book, but I just can’t wrap it up. You see I find things so comical now, that writing any guruish deep, serious, tear jerking, sappy message doesn’t work for me anymore. I don’t feel shameful, I don’t feel judgemental yet I don’t feel judged any longer.

How did we make it 25 years? Hmmm having alot of fun. Can it be that simple? Yes, it is. We have always tried to have fun together. We don’t have the same opinions, thoughts, or even all the exact same interest. But we always have fun.

I interrupt that last thought, to announce…Eric just peeked around the corner and said, “What are you doing up so early? You have been out of bed for like two hours?”

I crouched down as I begin to giggle, I say, “I just wanted to get a little post in on our 25th.”

He laughs, starts the coffee and moves about, to get dressed. We have a funny conversation about poop. We remembered one of the grandkids told Mamaw, the elderly think about sex, poop, eating and napping. I am beginning to see the similarities.

It looks like our day of deciding what we are going to eat, where we are going to burn in the sun, or meet up with a good friend named Larry or his brother Gary. So for now, here is to twenty five years of marriage to the same man.

The same man who Let me choose some creepy day to everyone else Friday the 13th. The same man who never followed a rule book it was right for one and right for all. He is a long list of things and they are all pretty wonderful. He is a good man and I plan on keeping him around for as long as he wants to stick around. I can promise him my heart always and forever. Not because the past 25 years have been perfect however, because I have had alot of laughs. You make me laugh on a cold rainy night or when the sun is shining bright! Keep the funny coming babe! I love you, Eric Drake.

PS. As I wrap up, trying to edit this post, Eric pours me a cup of coffee, stares at me (as I try to reread), and then he begins to talk…I acted like I was listening then I heard the word work and I could feel myself feeling guilty. I began to listen and he wanted to do something for his project and he knew it was our anniversary and felt guilty. I literally paused took a deep breath in and said, “I love you and happy anniversary. You should definetly check into work.”

We have never been off work this long, ever. On just vacation. So there ya go fans of the 25 year anniversary club, you don’t need a celebration with a big hoopla on the big 2 -5, if you are having fun almost everyday the BIG ‘ONE ANNIVERSARY’ is whatever you want it to be! Because daily happiness and doing what you love, being where you want to be and with your best friend to share in this journey, well its true…it’s paradise!

God Bless

Livelove

&

Carryon

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My Uncle Bob

It’s finally here! The birthday of the man, I have been itching to write about! Many of these stories have been tucked away, for when I let it all go and begin writing comedy, becuase I love him and his sly comical demeanor cracks me up.

See the man standing on the right? With a white shirt on? (Which is weird, he usually has a rich color of deep purple or blue, but it doesn’t matter, he always looks amazing.) This, ladies and gentleman is my Uncle Bob and after I complete this, you will wish he was yours.

(Aunt T and Uncle Bob)

Background: I have only heard stories about their first meeting, but it must have been wonderful. My Aunt T and Uncle Bob met in Bowling Green Kentucky at Western Kentucky University, over fifty years ago.

Both from neighboring counties, meeting at the university. After 6 months they were married and lived happily ever after. (That’s the story, thanks everyone!)

I can only imagine his excitement! He married one of the most beautiful women in the world. BUT… with beauty comes a family full of beautiful people and beautiful ideas (kind of?).

Bare with me! Yes, they have been married for a long time, they have two beautiful children, a wonderful son n law, adorable grand cats and four gorgeous grand children. But before all of that Uncle Bob married his sweet wife, who came with a sweet (Ha ha) farm family. LOL!

Uncle Bob had now acquired a brother and sister n law, who were still young, he never imagined what funny and chaotic things were in store for him, over the next fifty years or so!

Life has began:

I wonder when or if he ever began to truly understand the dynamics, of what he has taken on. I will say this he NEVER SHOWED his frustrations with all of us.

First Scott was born. My mom, Charlene, I believe was ten. In our family it is tradition for the grandmother to go and stay with their daughter for two weeks, after the baby is born. That means my Baw Baw, Violet, would be living with these newly weds. Hee hee, I giggle thinking about Baw Baw bossing everyone around and my Uncle Bob thinking what in the world have I done. He never said anything mean or hateful. (How do I know? Duh it’s Uncle Bob. I don’t have to be born to know how he is, He is just that AMAZING).

For a side note, my mom often wondered how he didn’t have a heart attack. Because she rode up on her bike with Scott in her basket and still he said nothing! We still chuckle about that.

Fast Forward: five years later my sister in spirit and my cousin for life was born, Trina Lou! Oh my, here we go again the entire family, but especially Baw Baw.

Three years later it’s me, it’s me not Sandra Dee, but little ole, meek, quiet, never says anything me, Teena Drake! What? You don’t agree? Okay, you are right, I was born talking.

Now I know, no one could have prepared this patient, gentle, kind caring, quiet understanding man about the next twenty years or more of his life, with the Ashby family.

I realize no one knows what the future holds and he would have been bored without us, however, let’s just say we put him to the test. I wish I could write ALL the funny stories about him, someday I will share them.

I do remember the day Trina Lou and I were discussing her dad’s temper. I laughed and laughed because I knew he was human, but a temper? Listen to her tell this…

“Teena, if you ever want to know if daddy is mad, watch his mouth!”

“What? His mouth? If my mom gets mad you better run because you don’t have to watch her mouth you will hear it.” (Me too, everyone knows if I am upset).

Trina continued giggling and lowering her voice to a whisper, “Seriously, he moves his jaw and licks his lips. I always know to move on. That’s how I know I am in trouble.”

Really? That’s it? She was telling the truth! Over forty years I have not heard him become angry, but I do watch his facial expressions, if I am concerned.

As years went on everyone has lived with Uncle Bob and Aunt T. Now I am not dumb by any means, however, I never realized how amazing my uncle Bob is and always has been, until I became an adult. When any of us were in limbo, needed a place to crash or live, or a hot meal or anything, Aunt T would say, “Come on over.” Or, “Sure you can live with us.”

I know she never thought twice! Sometimes, I think how the heck did my Uncle Bob do it! I am telling you it was always someone or something in our family. Card games, teenagers, Farm family, church friends even kids and grand kids of others. I bet if they had and register for all the people, who have stayed at their home, it would be filled, maybe two or three of them. Steady as always, my Uncle Bob, never faltered or gave up on any of us.

My last story to make you laugh and give you a grasp of how amazing this man is.

One of the times I was staying with them, Trina Lou and I had been riding bikes, in the neighborhood. We lost track of time (usual) and he came looking for us. When I saw the red station wagon driving down the road I said, ” Trina! We are in trouble.”

I jumped up from the wet ground and waved him down. I was filthy, butt wet from sitting in the grass, hair matted in the back because I hated taking time to comb it, I looked like I didn’t know how to dress myself. He slowly pulled off the side of the road, I immediatly began telling some long, dragged out, story of why we weren’t home. (Like I knew!). He listened patiently and I can now see he was laughing deep down, but he stayed calm. He replied with, “Girls it’s getting late you need to get home.”

I said, “Shew, we are a long way from home, I am glad you came…I will put my bike in the back…”

Continues with a straight face, not a shriek, peep nothing was to prepare me for what he said. My Uncle Bob smiled, then chuckled (like he does) and replied to my simple, understandable request with, “Nope, you are riding home. I am not putting you or that bike in my car.”

Let’s rewind! What? Did my Uncle Bob just laugh at us, four or five miles from home, drove out here not to yell at us, beat us, or anything, but won’t put my bike in his car? What is happening? I was devastated. However, after our ride home I never did that again.

Wrap it up: I could tell you a million funny and heart warming stories, about this man, my family has been blessed with.

He has lived with a lovely wife that I know he has always loved dearly. Even when she said, “Sure, you can live with us.” (Off the top of her head!).

He has Spent fifty Christmases, same as Thanksgiving, always tried to ensure my Aunt came home once a month (if possible), has been through Uncle Rod going to Vietnam, all of the nieces and nephews being born, countless birthday parties, graduations, he has cried with us, and laughed with us. All of this is just from his wife’s side of the family. He still has his other side to tend to and everyone elses too. Uncle Bob stayed strong and steady and carries on like none other!

Happy Birthday Uncle Bob we appreciate you! You are awesome!

We all love you!!! I hope you get to Golf today!

Livelove

What do Snow White and Cinderella have in common? 

As we study a new way to habitually live, it only seems appropriate to analyze some childhood memories. You see in today’s world our queens and princesses are more dominant or independent. However, the original princesses such as Snow White and Cinderella were considered damsels in distress, helpless and in need of a hero. I can remember when I would point out many negatives about the two characters and think how sexist the shows truly were. However, it never failed, if the girls were watching either of these shows, I would become mesmerized and stop whatever I was doing to complete the movie. (I even played the role of Snow White in a school play at one time.)

Today, I am asking you to take a different perspective on our damsel’s in distress! What if we simply accepted their stories based on the time frame they were written and first watched. Would we see their lives in a different light? Let’s see if these two princesses (later to become queen) can impact our lives and strategically place us on a path of least resistance.

Snow White…abandoned by her stepmother (the queen), sent out to be killed, life was spared because? She was super nice and beautiful. You see that Huntsman couldn’t do it! Even if he was going against orders of the Queen. Snow White emitted kindness, caring, understanding and positive vibrations. Now let us think…hmmm how would you or I feel if we were taken into the woods, only to realize it was our last walk from home, the beautiful castle and home are, no more. Although the man who was supposed to take our life, didn’t go thru with the deed, he did leave you or me in the dark and say run for your life! Never return or the queen will kill you! After writing all of that I realize how brave she really was! I would have probably fallen apart.

Cinderella…abused by her step-mother and sisters, expected to clean, cook and take care of her cruddy step family. Only to be locked away in her room when the prince came looking for her. Yet, she continued to stay positive! She would clean, feed the animals, sing and from the stories point of view, she was a blissful human being. Again put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel? Would you refuse to meet all the demands of these horrific people? Or would you leave never to return? I must admit I would have probably been killed on the spot for my smart mouth! However, Cinderella continued to find a good feeling and stayed in that vibration. She would sing, dance, whistle or speak to the animals.

In comparison, both stories have a great deal in common. However, the one common attribute for each princess is their positive attitude. They both saw a better life. Snow White ended up finding seven dwarfs who loved ‘whistling while they worked.’ They didn’t mind their jobs and were ecstatic as well as appreciative of Snow White’s talents. Cinderella found her way to the ball. (Which was an amazing opportunity for anyone in the land). Her prince didn’t only recognize her beauty, but he saw the positive, kind, fun loving Cinderella, for who she really is.

Do you think those are all coincidences? Do you think it was by chance they received what they wanted out of life? Why didn’t they continue in the same old rut and continue to be abused? After a great deal of analyzing these two stories, it is pretty simple to observe how these ladies found their path to least resistance. They had a vision and what their life was, at the time, was not their vision. However, neither princess ever gave up!!!!

I do realize we live in a world full of despair and depression. Is it the president’s fault? Is it your spouse’s? Oh, I understand it is your children’s fault? I also realize these are fairy tale characters we are discussing…does it really matter? No! It is a great comparison!

Begin today, to tell your fairytale. Even if you are a damsel in distress, flat broke, feeling like crap and wishing you could just receive a simple break, in life. The GREAT NEWS is YOU CAN!!!!!!!! What is your story? Yes, everyone has a negative story, but if you listen closely, they only receive a great outcome if they are looking for it. Tell the story you want. It is okay if it is sometimes a struggle, do it anyway. In my home, we entitle this, “Fake it till you make it!”

Isn’t it time to feel GREAT! Feel it, visualize it and receive. Ask for what you want and believe you deserve it. Then receive it!!! Just like these two princesses, yes they had to go thru some crap to receive the life they both desired. However, they continued to feel good and eventually both received a life of joy, wealth, happiness, partnership and much more. You can do this too! How? Change your story it is as simple as that!

Livelove,

Your Pinkologist! (That makes me laugh every time I write it because? It just does!)

 

If you know of someone struggling….

Hello let me introduce myself my name is love, pink, joyful, laughter, fun, accepting, free-spirited, sensual, kind, caring, understanding, insightful, focused, millionaire, educator, magnificent, dynamic, sparkly, diamond lover, debater, healthy, swimmer, who loves others and wants them to come along and take this ‘HAPPY’ adventure with me! My name is Teena Drake, my game is living life as HAPPY as possible.

Wow! Brag much Teena? Nope I don’t have to brag this is how people have described me and the adjectives I have chosen to identify my life with. You see my entire life has been altered for the better of me, but the most exciting part is for the betterment of you too!

You might be puzzled, but allow me to take a couple of pieces of this puzzle and show you a glimpse of the possibilities. I am so excited right now I can barely type! I keep walking away saying don’t do this! It’s to scary to tell the world what you have learned! But if I keep it a secret well I can’t keep this feeling or life! Which puts me in a pickle! Therefore, I am busting out!!!! So if you are ready to see who you are and find that ‘HAPPY’ place you have been longing for follow me on this adventure…as I reveal a lifetime of learning, but let’s begin with what I have learned since December 8th, 2016. The event, the blessing, that had to happen for me to have received such a wonderful gift for the world – that can seem gloomy and sad. It’s a gift full of joy, happiness, adventure or just a hike in solitude the world is a beautiful place as long as you are happy!

First Assignment:  1, Write your name  2. Write all the adjectives or activities, that make up you (NOT OTHER PEOPLE) 3. Now ask by text or email so they can think about it, how some of your friends, family members, or acquaintances would describe you. (The third step came from Jack Cannefield’s writing). 4. Read all of them and delete any you do not like and own the ones you love. 5. Anything you would like to share about this first step to ‘Being’ ‘Happy’ tag me so I can read it and share! I look forward to reading about the amazing YOU!

When I began this process I was unsure how other people would describe me, but some of the things I said about myself were not nice. If you come up with a similar scenario and you are saying negative things about yourself, even if you won’t write it you are thinking it continuously, STOP! I know it’s not that easy trust me, but I promise I can help you. Mmmm I take that back I can’t help you, but I can provide you with the tools to help yourself.

I hope you have a beautiful weekend and remember God Loves You No Matter What!

Please! Please!Please, Share all of my post if you are struggling or know of someone else struggling with this game of ‘Life!’ Why? You ask? Because I have been given a gift that if, I want to keep, I must share it with as many people possible. Therefore, I am asking that you tell your friends and family to follow me on WordPress, Facebook-Teena Drake, Twitter-Livelove pinkologist@TeenaDrake, Instagram- live_love_pinkologist and you tube. When I begin to video this series I will let you know so you can subscribe to Livelove Pinkologist. (Or you can subscribe anyways). Thank you and God Bless Each of You and may you BE HAPPY!

Has it been eighteen years ago? What year is it? 2017?

It was just like yesterday!!! March sixteenth 1999…the band Yellow 5 was playing at the Toy Tiger. What an event! It hadn’t been the first time they played there, but was definitely one of the most important. There was a company there to sign, who? Yes, our little hometown band, they were on their way to being FAMOUS!!!!!! However, guess who was in labor at about six o’clock in the morning and Eric was to leave to pursue stardum at one  pm. Not good timing to say the least! But what an adventure.

The contractions would play with us all day. Become closer together then subside. I had decided they were probably a false alarm. However, he was over due, so we were on alert. I will never forget the moment when I called the doctor, explained my contractions and said, “If it would be okay, could I hold off until after midnight, to check in to the hospital?”

After a long pause, which seemed like an eternity, she chuckled and said, “Teena, I don’t think you get to choose that, but since this is your third child, you will know when to get here.”

My thoughts were you do not know me very well, but okay.

As the minutes ticked and clumped into hours my labor proceeded to get worse. Now a solid ten minutes a part and not stopping. They were consistent. It was now 12:45 and my honey was becoming anxious. Then he did the sweetest thing, he got down on both knees planted a big kiss on my huge, tight, belly button protruding, in labor, pregnant stomach and said, “Little buddy I love you, you know I do…but truthfully I am begging you to hold off one night.”

At that moment my little heart melted. Awe how freaking sweet is he for saying that. IF YOU BELIEVE THAT I HAVE SOME PROPERTY FOR SALE, IT ONLY HOLDS A LITTLE WATER!!!! LOLOLOL

What happened next…Let’s just let it be known my huge, rolly, polly, extreme pain came out and I began to say not such nice things to him. But hey who wants to recall the negative so let’s move on!.

Anyways, he went on to the gig and said, “I will be there, if you have to go to the hospital.”

I guess I would deal with whatever happened.

It was around nine o’clock my mom and her boyfriend insisted on driving me (thank goodness because I was going no matter what). As we merged on to the interstate I began to have pretty severe contractions. I had bought a brand new outfit for the gig, attempting to look as beautiful as possible weighing in at too much to post!

As we pass the exit to the hospital I recall Jon yelling, “Pull off! Charlene pull off! This is ridiculous!”

“No you better not pull off I won’t get out. I will make it! Just keep rolling the gig is about ready to begin. We can make it, go go go!”

Mom just pushed the petal to the metal and we were sitting in the Toy Tiger parking lot. Black makeup was pouring down my face, making me look like I was a pregnant zombie (wonder if that was foreshadowing for the Nuelydedz).

I fixed my face and rolled out of the car, literally I rolled. As I waddled closer to the door I saw a black man covering the doorway almost like he was waiting on me to say, “You are not coming in here little mama.”

As I got closer and closer I realized it was our good friend, the bouncer, Mo. I grinned as my head rolled back so I could look him in the eye or at least close enough. I am still hurting and I said, “Hey Mo it’s me with Yellow 5 I am just not feeling well.”

“Nope you do not need to be in here. You need to turn around and go back home.”

As if some kind of demon took over my body I lowered my head for a second, probably because I was having a pain. Then looked back up and in a scary voice said, “Mo! I have been through hell and back today so could you please move over and let me through!!!!!”

If you knew him you would know he never budged for anyone. He was one of the best bouncers in the world. However, thank goodness he felt sorry for me. He stepped a side and even found me a table close to the back so I could watch, but could exit quickly, if needed.

We had about fifteen minutes to spare so I sat down. Eric appeared to be happy to see me, he might have been afraid of me, but he played it off well. I am just kidding! If you know either of us very well, you know we don’t stay mad for very long at all.

The lights went dim, silence filled the room for a split second and when the stage lit up Eric Drake raised his drum sticks and hit the first lick…it stopped! What? Yes, my labor pains stopped almost simultaneously. I don’t mean I had a little pain, then they stopped. In fact I would push back and forth a few times just so he would kick my hand. Once I knew he was fine we went on together, enjoying the gig. The night seemed to end quickly and I was home, curled up in bed before I knew it. Still no pain, achey feeling just little ole pregnant me, like nothing happened.

Next morning March 17, 1999 appeared to be an average morning. Eric went on to work and I got the girls ready for school. Around 1:00 I told my mother and brother n law I didn’t feel well. Therefore, I was going to take a bath. My mom was pacing back and forth. She knew I was acting funny, so she called Eric to come home early. When he walked in the bathroom to check on me I stood up in the bathtub said, “Honey, I don’t feel very good!”

His face was worth this entire story! He first turned white, then he began to raise his voice…never looking me in the eye. Only to stare at my belly like there was an alien peaking out of my belly button. When I asked him what is wrong?

He looked at my belly and calmly said, “Get dressed, we are going to the hospital.”

Then it happened. I looked down to see what he was so freaked out about. I am not kidding you when I say it was something like a phenomenon. My gigantic, stretched out, pregnant belly had sank to a small dodge ball size. It literally looked like somebody told Nicholas to jump into a too small of a container and scrunch altogether, to ensure  this delivery is a quick process. You will be out of here before you know it. I began to panic. I yelled for my mommy and she came running. All she could do was hand me clothes in a frantic manner. After I was dressed the girls were quickly loading into our gold colored MPV mini van and we were off. By this time the contractions had begun! We were at five minutes apart and holding. We drove the girls across the Milton/Madison bridge only to hand over the girls to my daddy and step-mom. It looked alot like a three ring circus: I am screaming, off and on, hanging on the ‘Oh Shit’ handle. The side door oppisite of their front door flies open as if a rocket is going to shoot out and strike their next door neighbors. Out jumps Darion and Ashby. Ashby is screaming, “NO! I want to go with you please don’t leave me here. I don’t want to get out,” while she is pushing her meemaw and daddy away with her chubby little hands and almost leaping back and forth to keep from being caught, but she was too little to escape boh of them.

Not to mention her daddy was screaming, “ASHBY!” at the top of his lungs.

Now the kids are delivered and we are racing down the road with flashers on and me still halfway standing up screaming every THREE MINUTES NOW. My mother had decided we were going to deliver him in the van.

Once we arrived at the hospital my best friend Teresa Kidwell was waiting on me and we all just knew this was going to be fifteen minutes until Mr. Prince Charming Nicholas Drake would bless us with his presence. Nope, Nope Nope…my sweet little nurse Wendy Hines (one of the best nurses in the world), began prepping me for delivery, doctor was quickly behind too late for an epideral and BOOM he was scooting on down the chute…but abruptly came to a halt. Why? Because he was ten pounds nine ounces that’s why! My body said sorry call me tomorrow because I don’t know how we will ever get this one out of here.

His shoulders were stuck. That is the final answer. After a few hours we had to make a decision; his collar bone would have to be broke. They did it and finally he was here.

My grandmother was alive then. I am always so grateful that he grew up knowing her. They had a unique bond. I would go to the house after working all day and say, “Baw Baw how did you and Nicholas get along today?” (She wanted to watch him when he was about three a couple of days a week, to keep from being lonely).

She would reply with, “Well, Teena I guess we got along okay. Who are you talking about? Nicholas? Oh yes he is so quiet I almost forgot I had him.”

Ummmm I think that should have been my sign but he was fine! Some people might get offended by me making a joke about my grandmothers dementia, but until you have lived through it, you can not understand! If you didn’t laugh about it you would lose your mind!

Anyways I had a beautiful ten pound nine ounce little boy on March seventeenth nineteen ninety nine. He has brought each of us joy on a regular basis and I can’t believe how fast the years have flown by. We have good, bad, fun, snuggle, adventurous, heartbreaking, puzzling and most of all loving times and I am looking forward to many more. He has never fit in a mold or been the type to follow a crowd. He has a kind heart; magnificient musical talent among other talents. He has been my rock the past four months, while I haven’t been capable of many daily duties. I thank God for Nicholas Ryan Drake on a daily basis. I love you buddy! Happy Birthday!

May my stories relate to you, make you laugh, help you heal, entertain you, but most of all may they enrich your life in one way or another! God Bless Everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!

Written by: Teena Drake

Chapter One

How it all Began!

          My first year of teaching eighth grade Science is the beginning of a great adventure, I had a wide variety of personalities and enjoyed each one. As the year progressed one of my classes became especially close and they wanted to each lunch in my classroom on Fridays (or anytime I would let them).  Week after week our lunch ‘class’ was growing by leaps and bounds. The students would beg their teachers to let them join and quickly we became one big happy family.

I was amazed at how open they were with me in there. They would talk about their relationships, weekend plans, past weekend activities, family situations, and the list continues. I wish I could have a picture of my face the day SEX entered our lunch conversation! Out of the blue a young lady says, “Hey, Mrs. Drake we are arguing about something can you come over here?”

I politely excused myself from the group I was sitting with and walked over, plopped down, and said, “Sure, what’s up?”

Without any reservation or concern she asked, “If you have sex and the guy cums in ya….you can jump up and down and the sperm will come out, right? It’s a scientific fact aint it?”

I am sure as you were reading this last paragraph you were either laughing or starring at the words/question with your mouth gapping open. I am also sure you are eager to see my reaction.

The silence at that point was almost like thick smog hanging over the room. The group of students starred at me with eager anticipation to see how I would respond. They were not embarrassed, concerned of my embarrassment, or worried about having this conversation! I remember the thoughts in my head racing around like a chicken with their head cut off. I knew I had to respond, but how and why? Why did I have to answer this question? Why would they even ask such a question? So I took a deep breath did not act shocked and said, “Where did you hear that?”

Two of the young ladies said, “See I told you that was not true!”

Still persisting another young lady said, “She didn’t say it wasn’t true, she just wanted to know where I heard it….it is at least possible aint it?”

I responded by saying, “No, it is not true and why are we having this conversation?”

Thinking that my response would give them a clue….I was unsure about this conversation. My first thought was they were just curious. Then I became intrigued with why the question would come about. Was there a possibility eighth graders were experimenting with sex? And if they were why didn’t they know the basics? The questions and thoughts were rambling in my mind.

Of course I thought they would drop this conversation and blow me off, like eighth graders do when they do not want to explain themselves. Much to my surprise, the first young lady looked at me in astonishment and quickly asked, “So, if a girl did this then why didn’t she get pregnant? If you are so sure this doesn’t work why wouldn’t she be prego right now?

At this point I was disturbed she would question my knowledge on the subject. I said, “I promise she may not become or became pregnant that time, but she better not continue this practice or she will be pregnant. The only job for sperm is to swim towards the egg! That is a fact!”

Still thinking in my mind….HA that will end this conversation she will just ponder on my response and maybe ask her loved ones at home.  I was WRONG!!!!!! The conversation became explosive. I thought please dear Lord how long could a twenty minute class last!

Thankfully, the bell was ringing and the last comment was, “Mrs. Drake this isn’t over. I need to know some more about those crazy facts. We will talk about this tomorrow.”

The buzz had begun. If one listened closely, you could almost hear the amazement in their voices about her question and my response. They wanted to know more and I appeared to be the target. I remember praying that night…Dear Lord, Help me with this conversation.

I avoided our conversation through lunch because it was Monday. I didn’t hear much about it therefore, I decided it was a quick lesson learned and their entire group had moved on to another topic.

Once again, I was wrong! The same young lady came into my class and announced, “Mrs. Drake I am a walker today and I have more questions for you, so we can have Science, but after that bus rider bell we are having some ‘Scientific Sex Ed’ I need to ask you some questions and I think you have the answers.”

I looked at her, stood there in awe of her bluntness, and peered out to see the rest of the class anticipating my response. I brushed it off and said, “We will see.”

As the class progressed I continually dreaded the thought of what her questions might be, do I need to discuss this with my principal? I was extremely uncertain of what I could say and which direction this conversation could take us.

As soon as the bell rang, here she came and two of her friends. I decided to sit down at one of the tables and listen. It was almost like story time on the carpet with a group of pre-school children. They had all come up with some questions and had put her up to asking them. These questions extended from how a woman becomes pregnant to oral sex. I answered the ‘Scientific Sex Ed.’ questions and if the questions became more moral based or religion based I would explain that is not Scientific therefore, I am not able to answer. They were okay with my response I gave them some places to research and find out for themselves and the day had ended. As soon as they cleared the building I almost sprinted to the office to discuss the situation with my principal. He enlightened the situation quite a bit. This was the first group of students who would not have Sex Education in their curriculum. Apparently the parents had requested it be removed, it was not a tested area, and it didn’t seem to be essential. He continued to explain I could continue to answer their questions as long as it was ‘Scientific’ and educational.

Of course I thought….they won’t talk to me about this anymore. I gave them facts vs. fiction, but they probably wanted to talk more in depth to see if they could embarrass me. (Have you caught on that it takes me a while to figure out this topic is NOT going to disappear?).

From that point forward it was like opening a can of worms. A majority of the students were discussing the conversation, some would ask what we talked about, other students would just listen to the conversations, but they were clued in. Thank goodness my next unit was genetics. This Scientific Sex Education fit snuggly into my curriculum.

Many times the conversations would continue at our special lunch times. I was amazed at how many students were sexually active and did not care that I knew about it. They would allow me to ask questions like does anyone talk to you about sex? Has anyone discussed with you protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases? A majority of the time the response was NOOOOOOO! One student said, “I asked my mom about sex and she said sex is bad, sex is a bad word, and if you ever have sex I will be ashamed of you!” she continued, “I just decided not to ever bring that conversation up again!”

A young man explained his parents were explicit when they discussed sex with him and they ended the conversation with I don’t want to ever talk about this again so I hope you understood.

Now please understand these were well rounded, straight A students who had extremely good families. The ones with lower grades and living in different situations would explain, “I have learned on my own or my family told me all about it, but they also explained how if I did get a girl pregnant I would have to get a job and pay child support the rest of my life.”

I could write a book on their questions, comments, and thought process! Maybe that will be my next book, but these students were Sex Education illiterate.

They knew some of the actions, but as far as understanding their bodies and sexuality they did not. The family conversations had been limited and these young people were curious and searching for a cure for their curiosity.

Chapter Two

I was too late!

Who am I and why would you want to follow me?

Who am I? My name is Teena and I am the one in the picture standing next to my wonderful life partner Eric. As you may be able to tell my family is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, my beautiful step-daughter is not in this picture, she is pursuing her Masters and could not get away for vacation.

My profession at this time is educating eighth graders in integrated Science. However, my lifelong dream is now coming into fruition. I am pursuing a career in writing. If you follow me and read my blog you will laugh, cry, giggle, learn, be intrigued and enjoy funny stories about life.

My current book is about Sex Education. Oh I forgot you will probably read a great deal about Sex. Sex education, Sex after forty, Sex after marriage, a great deal about SEX and relationships. I am not sure why, but it always comes up in conversation, when I am around. Maybe because it is one of my favorite topics. Not in a porn type either just a fact of life. LOL

I love people of all walks of life and love to travel. I do have ADHD therefore I struggle with sticking to one topic (that might be why I keep skipping around and it has taken me 8 years to complete my first book!).

You will also read about public education, students and their struggles, marriage, parenting and great places to travel or not so great!

I love water! I love swimming pools, spas, lakes, rivers, the ocean, and if I can not get to any of those I am happy with a hot bath. So expect to read about some fabulous vacations/holiday places! I will always try to post pictures of sights to see, great food, service and lodging.

My favorite color is PINK! Not bubble gum pink, but hot pink! I love it so much I have incorporated it into my new career path. As I present my book, I will have pink everything. I have even began studying the color pink and how it is best described as bubbly, happy, fun, joyful, free-spirited, laughter, irresistible, and much more. Hence the reason my kids have now began calling me Mommy the pinkologist!

The most important piece of information you should know is I love God and my message to the world is he loves you!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO I am in no way shape or form a religious fanatic. I truly do believe God Loves and Accepts EVERYONE!!!!!!!

My intentions are to post everyday for the next 365 days. I truly hope I can fulfill this goal. This is my first blogging experience so it will not be perfect. Oh who am I kidding, I told you I have ADHD I will never be perfect. Sometimes I may skip around, but I promise if you will keep reading you will get a laugh at one time or another and learn something as well!

My motto is from Jack Canfield- “If it aint fun don’t do it!”

I hope you enjoy the next 364 days with me, if I miss a day (which could happen especially if I am traveling) I will catch it up! Come follow me on a great adventure. I can’t wait to empower you to have a fun-filled life and take time to enjoy!!!!!!

Your Pinkologist!

Teena Drake