Tag Archives: parenting

Parents tell me how awesome your child is…

Your children conform to your expectations! As I spend hour after hour working with children of all walks of life and across the globe, I have learned, probably the MOST IMPORTANT, parenting skill…that ALL PARENTS NEED TO KNOW!

Are you ready for this?

The words that come out of your mouth as a parent, form and transform YOUR CHILDREN!

I realize this seems obvious and simplistic, especially when discussing as complex of a role as, PARENTING!However, my research is complete and it is 100 percent true!

For example:

Scenario 1: I had not met this young man before. His father & my honey have worked together for many years, since the boy was 2 yrs. old.

But all I ever heard was how much he bragged on his baby boy. All throughout the years I would here how ‘good’ he was. How talented, amazing and terrific.

Never once did I hear or even imagine… he had any disabilities OR was abandoned by his mother…who actually told him once, “The drugs are better than being a mommy to you!” (This was told to me as an example of the positivity, one parent, can utilize and redirect their child’s life).

Thirteen years later, I had the privilege to meet Nikolas, for the first time. You, as the reader of this post, now know as much as I knew about Nik, until this past summer.

As the gangly, long hair (Peter Frampton style), sweet, soft spoken and might I add, DYNAMIC, young man approached the swimming pool deck he introduced himself.

At that moment my mom & I were ecstatic to meet him. We did the regular introductions and he began a conversation about swimming. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then I mentioned (off handed) I am so excited to finally meet the awesome Nikolas, I have heard about for so long.

He replied with, “Thank you! Everywhere we go someone tells me how my dad brags on me. He is one amazing dad!”

He has lived in several states and told us of all the people he had met. And yes they all told him the same thing.

Let me ask you something? If someone were to repeat what or how you describe your kids…what would they say? How would they describe/repeat YOUR WORDS?

I knew this young man had some difficult challenges throughout his life, but I promise his dad had genuinely talked his son up soooo much that those possible ‘issues’ didn’t even appear.

I never even questioned his learning difficulties nor thought of them. I only included the two known hurdles that this young man had, to demonstrate how influential his dad’s description was…EVEN WHEN THEY WERE SEPERATED for work.

You see…we already know our downfalls, even as children. So why not illuminate the good in our children & ourselves? And watch the GOODNESS shine?

Parents! Perfection is impossible. Even in you!

Begin at this very moment to write all the GOOD about your child. Leave out the other and watch the GOODNESS GROW LIKE A BOUNTIFUL GARDEN!

This works with adult children as well! It almost seems as though by highlighting their terrific qualities the irritating ones disappear. Same with yourself!

Need a Sunshine Message for you or sent to someone? Email me or mail your request/donation to: Sunshine Messages P.O.Box 173 Milton Ky. 40045.

Everyone has down times, our mission is to ensure you know that no matter what…This Too Shall Pass & We urge you to…

Livelove

&

Carry On

Written by: Teena Drake

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Delete It!

Do you ever look at e-mails, social media, cell phones or anything else exposing your name and think…What if I deleted EVERYTHING! I never think of that either!

As I chuckle to myself about that last statement, I wonder if this is what our children think. Not deleting everything, but about life. For example, “Mommy, Have you ever felt like life was overwhelming? Have you ever felt like ‘giving up’?”

As the child, who is struggling with what may seem silly to an adult, ponders asking this question to their mommy or daddy.  I can only imagine what they think an adult would respond with. For example, “Of COURSE, I feel like giving up. Have you not seen all the crud going on? Ball practice, work, birthdays. But what do you have to worry about? You are being cared for.”

PARENTS! I am not saying you are doing anything wrong. I promise life is overwhelming at times and young parents today, have a great deal of pressure. Which is why I am writing this post.

If you have times of glaring at your connections to the world and you feel overwhelmed, then your child is probably feeling the same way.

Therefore, I am suggesting take time and DELETE IT! I know it sounds crazy, but when you are feeling overwhelmed with LIFE, make up a game with your family and have a delete it night.

Example:

  1. Explain to your children or partner, we are going to have a delete it night.
  2. Have everyone
    1. write their issues
    2. speak it
    3. sing it   Example: Child- I made an F, my friend was mean to me, Work was awful today. Everyone is allowed to share what they are feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or depressed about.
  3. Take time to listen to everyone’s sharing of their feelings.
  4. BUT! After each complaint EVERYONE says, “Delete It!”
  5. Or you can sing “DELETE IT!”

The point is to reverse the trajectory of your thoughts on what is and has been. Because you can’t change the past…no matter what!

Deleting it allows:

  1. Acceptance that everyone has down times and feels like giving up.
  2. A switch in vibrations.
  3. Allows everyone to see how life carrys on even when it feels cruddy at this moment…IT will get better!

As always…God Bless and KNOW you are LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY!

Livelove

&

Carry On

If you would like a little help with ‘Life’ let us know. Livelove.teena@gmail.com and we will begin your Happy Coaching as soon as possible.

Life is meant to be experienced.

Www.livelovellc.org/home

 

 

California? Again?

As I begin to unpack my daughter in California, once again, I reflect on my past experiences. A time when I questioned everything. Was I making the ‘right’ decision? What if…? The questions would race through my head. My fears were overwhelming. Should I allow her to follow her dreams at such a young age? What about her safety? What about my other daughter, who willingly volunteered, to be her guardian? Could she handle this gigantic move and undertaking? You see, my daughter had been signed by an agent and was asked to move to Los Angeles California, at the age of 17. We were estatic! The hometown circumstances, let’s just say, weren’t the best for Ashby, at the time. However, could my girls survive in LA??? They were raised in a small little Kentucky town and Ashby was still in high school. Darion had moved to Nashville at the age of 18, but I could drive there in four hours. And I spent almost 6 months of weekends in Nashville! Once the decision was made we took off driving across the country. That was four years ago and here I am again! She is now 21 and although I knew this day would come, it doesn’t make it any easier!!! After her last adventures, I knew she would return home. Back to California. It hasn’t been any easier, but it is rewarding to know she is where she wants to be. My brain will continue to race and question, “Am I making the correct decisions, as a parent.” However, all I want for my children is for them to follow their bliss. And that is what she is doing. You know I can remember thinking I wouldn’t survive, the last time. Yet, here I am four years later. If you are struggling with anything in your life, right now. Please, remember you are loved and if you can pause briefly…I promise, “This too shall pass!” God Bless Livelove & Carryon Www.livelovellc.org/home Livelove.teena@gmail.com Need some help with a situation in your life? Email me, I would love to hear from you!

Twenty Five!

I can’t believe it! Twenty five years ago Eric Drake, mommy and I, at four in the morning were driving to Kings Daughters Hospital in Madison Indiana. It was a cool, crisp, October morning and I can remember thinking and praying, “Lord, help me thru this and Please Please let me be a good mommy! It was 1992, I was six days shy of my twenty first birthday, Eric was 22 and working his butt off to make ends meet. I remember thinking this pregnancy can’t be over! (I loved being pregnant). It was similar to a journey down a path with another spirit, yet you can’t see them. She was always with me. Responded to my every move, she helped choose what we ate each day, she continued to push me to take care of myself. When she began to force her way out, it almost felt like she was ripping my insides out with her, but she was ready to see this earthly life. She was ready to create her own experiences, live, love and enjoy her life. The afternoon before our trip, to the hospital was beautiful, although I was really aggitated. Mommy called and I demanded she come meet me at the house. I whined so much Eric took me for a ride, on the back roads. Tim Perkinson, Ricky White and Jarod Stark were at the house, when we returned. Oh mommy as well. One look at me and she knew! Mom watched me cook supper, work around the house (which didn’t need to be cleaned), and breathe heavy, occasionally. It didn’t take long for her to look at Eric and say, “We are having a baby tonight, you need to rest up!” Eric turned white as a ghost and almost immediatly went to bed. Poop (Tim’s nickname) stayed with mom and I, to watch the rest of Fried Green Tomatoes. Oh and we can’t forget, we ate marshmallow cream and peanut butter. I was now having contractions 10 to 15 minutes apart. (We all acted like it was no big deal) The next part was hilarious! I don’t know why, but I decided I would drive Tim home. Why, either of them let me drive I will never know. Probably, I was super stubborn and demanded to drive. (Hmmm that sounds about right). It wasn’t that far! I remember the sky was almost black, with a few cirrus clouds, glowing with the reflection of the gigantic full moon! As we slowly creeped up the hill, where the headlights beamed, straight ahead, I had one of the worst contractions, I had ever experienced. About that time I slammed the gas pedal down, forcing my car to almost ramp the hill, heading down to his house. Mom and Poop screamed, then immediately stopped themselves only to hold their breath, in hopes of survival of the small, but tedious road trip. I almost came to a stop, when yep, it hit again and a repeat event happened! When Poop jumped out of the car he was terrified, his face was almost transparent, and all he could say was, “Goodluck, I will see you tomorrow.” The next four hours were touch and go! Until I began hitting the wall and rocking back and forth. Mom went to get Eric and we were off to the hospital! The next morning we had a beautiful baby girl! She was our surprise gift! Our family and friends came to support us. And our lives changed forever! It was an amazing day. You know, as I reflect and visualize for the future, I always want to share with you. LIFE is… What you make it! Eric Drake and I has no idea what we were doing October 2nd 1992! We had very little money, little life experience and yet all we knew is we loved this little human/spirit/baby girl more than words could express. She had colic for her first six weeks of life. I can remember we would trade off sleeping one hour at a time. We had our electric shut off once and our water a couple of times! However, Listen up!!! We made it! Twenty-five years later all those struggles are now funny memories! If you are struggling, right now…Please remember take everything in twos. I know most people will tell you, “One step at a time!” I do agree, but for me it has always been twos. If you can take one step why not two! If you can make it thru two seconds, two minutes, two hours, two days, two weeks!!! You can make it! I know you have sad times and struggles, but you got this!!! I have looked back over my twenty five years with this beautiful young lady and all four of our children and realized the difficult times become diluted and almost more cherished, because they always illuminate a growth period of awesomeness! A time where we all came together, depended on each other and were grateful for the good times!

Life is meant to be lived. You will struggle, you will have losses, but no matter what if you will stop, wait and focus forward in whatever ‘two’ realm you need, at the time; you will be like me and look back over twenty five years in amazement and visualize the future as even better!!! Here’s to you kid! Thanks for the greatest journey from October 2nd 1992, until now! Looking forward to many more adventures and living! I love you Darion Alley Drake!! Thank you for being an amazing daughter!

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…

Several years ago a small ‘pocket book’ was published illuminating this topic ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff!’ The author gave scenarios and demonstrated how silly it is to worry and fret over the silly annoyances in life. I have each one of these books, to remind me to take life with a grain of salt. To seek the adventure life has to offer! Take the challenge allow your inner being to sing thru you.

Once you have decided and began this journey of being in the moment and making decisions based on your inner feelings; you will always want to feel this way.

However, in life we all have moments of sadness, irritation, aggravation anger that we must deal with from time to time. Recently I have found that freezing it in my mind, walking away and them come back to discuss or determine a solution is best for me. You see, in the past I would resist, argue, return ugly insults, ect. Now, I choose to not even utilize the negative vocabulary. Oh yes it creeps in at times. However, for the most part I choose a better reaction or to not react at all. It depends on the situation. 
For example: I had a conversation with a friend and she was in a bad moode. Everything was wrong in her life. Her kid was a brat, didn’t have enough money, felt trapped. Listening to her talk was almost unbearable. I just kept thinking, stay calm, listen there is a reason for this conversation. After a little while and multiple attempts to change the conversation I feared I would say something to offend her. (Remember I lost my filter at the first break in my leg lol). Anyways, she was finally called away. I love this person and she needed to vent! I allowed her to do that for a small portion of time. The only problem is I was carrying this yuk, negative, irritated weight of emotion for her. I cried for her, the pain was real. 

What do I do? Hmmmm I decided to plug in my phone and leave it home. I went to the pool and immediatly put my entire body under water. As I came up after a few seconds, I realized I had taken my own advice. I froze the situation and went to my fun happy place, water!!! (Yes, water of any kind takes me to a calm loving state). As I began my physical therapy I would search my paradigm for a good feeling thought. A vision of the future or a memory from the past. It was similar to the characters of Inside Out, running around plugging in emotions. Finally, I found a few to distract my negative emotion. 

Later, that night I called my friend and said, “I love you and I want everything to be okay for you. If I can help in any way let me know.” 

At that moment I realized I should take my own advice!!! She was laughing and continued to tell me about her little boy and how cute he was being. Her husband had cooked supper and bought flowers. She basically was a changed woman from four hours earlier. I hung up the phone, looked at my husband and said, “Yes, I have more writting material.” 

Therefore, when I refer to Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, I mean don’t sweat other people’s small stuff either. My mom would tell me in the past…you call me and compla in or discuss your relationships  then you are off in an hour back to honeymoon phase. Isn’t that true? We all have that loved one who listens no matter what. Who loves us unconditionally who listens and cares so deeply that they will take on those emotions for us. My mommy does that for me. I try now to call or go see her after the fact and explain it’s all good. I don’t always remember, but most of the time I make the effort. 

Take time to enjoy. Remember the small stuff is not worth it. I would not have changed listening to my friend, she was having a legitimate melt down for a moment. However, next time I will send her the energy I did this time, I will see her feeling better, but I will not allow myself to sweat it or hang on to it!! 

I promise parents!!!! Most of the crazy, mixed up, emotions that follow parenting just means you need to keep following and reading my blogg. Because you can feel blissful even in the midst of chaos. Once you have incorporated a few simple techniques, you will be able to look back and say shew, we made it!!! And had fun while we were doing it!!!

No matter what ‘Be Happy’!!!!!!! If it makes you happy do more of it. Find time to laugh, enjoy. Yes, sometimes you will be presented with a not so good feeling situation. But do not sweat it!!! 

God Bless

Livelove!!!!!!

Why Grow Up?

Someone made the comment to me, “Teena will you ever grow up?” 

I remember thinking, hmmmm no I do not plan on it. Truly, I have already been there and done that. I can remember teaching with my friends and me telling them, I love kids because they haven’t accepted all the judgements, concerns, and hypocrisy of adulthood, yet.

When I say I have already done that, I have. You see as parents we are forced to ‘grow up’ or as I entitle it, conforming to society’s demands. However, I always searched for a way to spice life up a bit, by creating a fun yet safe environment to just be free.

While discussing parenting with some friends we all agreed, we should call and thank our parents for keeping us alive becausee we were fearless at one time. No barriers or connection to fear.

I am not saying you should become frivolous and not care about anything. However, if you take time to create a list of your daily activities and it consist of work, eating, cooking, cleaning and sleeping, IT IS TIME!!! Time for you to grow down a bit. Begin searching for something fun to do once a week. After you begin this journey you will search for more and more. It will become your quest. 

If you are a parent with children at home, my advice to you, is create a family fun time and an individual one as well. When my kids were little I would take a ‘Me’ day. (Probably Eric thinks I live in a me day, now lol). When we didn’t have money to go out, I created family fun days, For example: we had Wacky Wednesdays. 

Wacky Wednesdays or Terrific Tuesdays, Freaky Fridays, it doesn’t matter about the day or title. I knew we had to eat anyways. Therefore, I would make it fun!! Sometimes it was our attire: we all had to wear a hat, a tie, our clothes inside out, or maybe even pajamas. I would light candles, play music, allow the kids to help cook and set the ambiance. There were very few limitations (safety first). Sometimes it was a disaster, but I continually remember even the disasters were beautiful. 

We did everything from desert first, colored our food, and/or special music by the Drake kids. One of my favorite memories is – the evening we had saved to purchase some nice steaks, ice cream and toppings for the ice cream. We began with allowing the kids to create a ‘snow ball’ out of ice cream and roll them in the toppings, of their choice. They ate them first because life is too short to not eat dessert first!!! 

The next portion of the evening was our delicious steaks! However, (remember I only chose to grow up for those parenting moments necessary to assist my kids to stay alive and be accepted) I thought it would be fun to food color all of our food. Therefore, I colored the mashed potatoes blue and for some reason I colored the meat with GREEN. As the evening was wrapping up we were all sitting at the table, in the dark, with at least five candles. It was beautiful. Music playing in the background all the kids were excited and then…Darion needed some ketchup. I flipped on the light, Eric had eaten half of his steak and when I shined some light on his plate, he looked at his steak and immediatly yelled!!!! “Kids don’t eat the steak!!!! It is bad meat!! Teena throw this meat away.”

I turned and looked at my wonderful husband with a puzzled look. “What are you talking about?” 

At that point I realized what was happening and I began to laugh hysterically. The kids were sitting paralyzed, appearing to be in a trance, as well as holding their breath. They all three fixed their eyes on daddy to see if he was mad. Therefore, a ten second period of silence felt like an eternity. Next we all begin to let out a little giggle and one by one each of us began laughing until our cheeks hurt.

Regardless of anything negative happening the end result was all we needed. To laugh, giggle, and let go. 

It’s time for you to choose to enjoy!!! If you have five wonderful events fall into place which creates happiness for you, yet one not so happy slips into your realm, similar to our meat incident; focus on the other five! If you can laugh at your one negative situation and quickly switch it around, then do that. No matter what take time be grateful for the good moments and guess what? More and more good moments will occur.

There is a time and a place for everything!! I agree growing up isn’t so bad! As long as you promise to return to the bliss, honesty, and freedom of being a child occasionally, you will have a great life and happiness will fill your soul.

Livelove 

God loves you no matter what!!!! 

Remember to be happy even if it requires returning to a time when your life was much more simplictic. 

Excited to the point of tears…

Picking up my baby boy has never been so exciting! I didn’t realize until today that we are a cell phone addicted family. Okay so I am a cell phone/ message addicted mom. I have not received a message or heard his beautiful voice in over 24 hours. I know that sounds crazy, but I can’t remember a time that I haven’t or been able to speak with him, because we always have a phone on us. His has been stolen! 

My only hope is that I don’t burst into tears, jump up, and run screaming when I finally see my baby boy. Okay, I know that was a great visual! I won’t do that, gosh I thought you guys would have more faith in me than that. Shhhh I will let you in on a secret, I don’t have that kind of faith either! I am writing to keep my mind off of it. Lolololol!!!! 

Ohhhh wait, could it be? I think I see him Yayayayaya I am literally tearing up. Okay have a great day everyone I will blog later. I have to go be an estatic mommy with tears, screaming, laughter, hugs and kisses too! 

God Bless!!!