Tag Archives: Suicide

Tony’s Letters

It was a cool Autumn day. The leaves along the hillside had began to change to their delightful tones of red, yellow, and burnt orange to decorate for the autumn season.

I had drove to town to ‘check’ Sunshine Messages post office box. With little to no expectations of finding a letter. It had been brought to my attention that ‘snail’ mail was considered a thing of the past, so why would I believe anyone would take time to write Sunshine Messages?

As I stood next to the recycling bin tossing one advertisement after the other into a sea of unwanted ‘junk’ mail, something caught my eye! A small, crumpled, letter. It was difficult to read due to the smudged letters on the outside. The address was correct…P.O. Box 173 Milton Ky. 40045. But it was not made out to Sunshine.

Hmmmm, I curiously flipped it back and forth attempting to decide if it was placed in the wrong mail box or if it was indeed a letter for Sunshine?

Leaving the rest of the rubbish behind, the letter went with me! It couldn’t have much in the envelope it was so small. It smelled of cherry cigars & tears. Who was this from? Without a return address, my curiosity was building more and more.

As I carefully opened the crumpled, envelope to read this mysterious note…I found 2 letters. They both had been ripped apart, tapped together, crumpled & tore several times. One, in particular, was extremly difficult to read. As I unfolded the first letter, I had to carefully pull pieces of tape apart in order to open it. It appeared that this letter was held together with tape & prayers.

The handwriting was messy & whoever had written this note must have been in a hurry!

“I am sorry I couldn’t take it anymore, I Love You All So Much. I do not want to hurt you. I am sorry daddy, I cannot be the star quarter back anymore. But know I Love You I really do Love You! I am So Sorry. Love, Tony.

Was this a joke? Who would send this to Sunshine? What do they want? The questions raced through my head!

Laying this note aside, I quickly opened the newer, less stained and damaged letter.

Hoping to find answers, as to why I have this worn, tattered, pieced together, smudged letter that made little sense to me! Who is Tony? And why is his letter in my post office box. The second letter read:

Dear Sunshine,

I have read your blog, watched your recordings & I am begging for your HELP!

You see this is my Son’s suicide note! I have wept many times over these worn & tattered pieces of paper. Begging & hoping to turn back time. Wondering how I can forgive myself for being such a terrible father and how I can forgive my son for not talking to me before he did what he did.

You are my last attempt. I have contemplated taking my life several times, even as I write this letter my desperation feels as if it will take me over. I have been put on antidepressants, spoke with countless counselors/psychiatrists, mediums and psychics.

I have a beautiful daughter and wife. However, I know they are growing weary of my depression.

My wife explained, two weeks ago, she had been thinking about leaving me. Not because she does not love me, but rather she cannot stand to see me in such a terrible state of mind and feels she cannot help.

They are the reason I continue to wake up everyday. I would ‘end it all’ if it weren’t for these beautiful ladies in my life. However, I love them so much and I realize how terrible the pain is when you lose someone to Suicide, that I cannot hurt them like that.

A friend of mine requested I try one last attempt to heal. She explained how you had assisted her when she had to say goodbye to her husband 2 years ago.

She told me how you eased her pain by providing her with Sunshine Messages. “If it weren’t for ‘Sunshine’ I wonder how I would have pulled through”, was her comment to reassure me you could help.

Therefore, I am writing to request HELP! In fact I have NEVER let go of his letter as I did to mail it to you. Yes I made a copy. However, this letter is his actual handwriting from the pen he wrote before he…

I am unsure if you can help me. However, I am Desperate! I am at the end of my rope! I do not have anywhere else to turn.

My address is included at the bottom of this note.

Here is what I would like to do. May I write a message to my Son, Tony and you deliver it?

Write back as soon as possible or email me.

Please, please, please do what you can!

Sincerely yours, Charles

I immediatly sat down to write him a quick note, explaining this might be beyond my capabilities. This was a great deal of responsibility and fear had come over me.

For example, what if I couldn’t assist him and he took his life, I would feel terrible. I suggested he call the Suicide Prevention hotline & return to his psychiatric care, immediately. My note was short & sweet, but definitely to the point.

I addressed the envelope and hurried off to return his and his son’s  letter. I ensured I would send him good energy and hoped he found his inner peace & forgiveness.

I sent the letter and washed my hands of that.

The following day, the lady. who had sent Charles my way, contacted me. “I hope you do not mind I sent you another person to assist in living his Best Life.”

She explained a bit more about his situation.

Apologetically, I told her how I wrote him back declining the opportunity to assist.

Although she was disappointed, she seemed to understand my decision. (Which was fear talking).

About a week had passed and I heard nothing more. I did wonder if I had made the best decision, I guessed he went on to seek assistance else where. I had already lost a great deal of sleep over his letters therefore, I feel that no news is good news.

Everything was back to ‘normal’ in Sunshine’s world!

Two more weeks had passed. My routine visit to the post office, continued to be standing at the recycling bin disposing of all the ‘junk’ mail!

As I tossed the last four Dish Network advertisements in the recycling bin I turned on my heels and begin to leave. Then I heard a sweet little voice , “Are you Sunshine?”

Funny thing is…I was on the verge of cancelling the post office box and focusing on texting or email. Maybe everyone was right? (I thought to myself) I mean this letter idea is not going to work. No one writes or mails letters anymore. My clientele was growing and everyone seemed to enjoy the text messages/emails, just fine. This P.O. Box was a waste of time…right?

I replied, as I looked up to see who was asking, “Yes, I am Sunshine. Why?”

A young lady in her early teens was standing there, staring at me with her hand outstretched holding a Pink envelope addressed to Sunshine.

“Where did you find that? Did I drop it?” I asked.

“No,” she curtly replied. Continuing to hold the envelope out, as if she was a little put out with me for not taking the letter.

The two seconds of silence were extremly uncomfortable. As I reached out to take the letter, she never seemed to blink or take her eyes off of me. I slowly attempted to take the letter and she pulled it back slightly, tilted her head, inhaled deeply, then in a snide yet calm tone, she asked, “Can you handle this? I helped you the first time because you doubted, but now it is up to you, Sunshine.”

“Okay, I do not know who you are nor do I understand what you are talking about, but if that is addressed to me…please give it to me.”

I took the envelope and as I read who it was addressed to…’Sunshine’, I was saying, “Thank You,” simultaneously.

Our conversation continued as I peered at the envelope with extreme curiosity. I was blabbing about my thoughts, inspecting the color and wondering if this young woman knew who it was from. As I began to ask, “Do you know who…”

I looked up to read her facial expression, attempting to infer her role in delivering this hot pink envelope. And…SHE WAS GONE! POOF! HAD VANISHED IN THIN AIR!

I quickly ran to the door, pushed it open looking for this young lady. I would never forget her expression and how she made me feel so strange. She was kind yet staunch. Cold with a twist of warmth.

Where did she go? Who was this young lady? She was not in the Post Office when I arrived…hmmmm where did she come from?

Startled and confused I left with the Pink envelope in hand! I couldn’t help but continue to look for the messenger. I wondered, where she came from and where she went. I was confused and filled with curiosity. What was she talking about, “Can I handle this and she helped me the first time?”

I have never seen that girl before, in my life! How could she have helped?

Maybe, the contents in this letter will answer some of my questions. As I carefully opened the letter I could smell a strawberry scent coming from the pink lined paper carefully folded and tucked into the nice neat Pink envelope. The letter said,

Dear Sunshine,

Thank you so much for my letter. It was if you had already received my letter to my son! I do not know how you did that, but your letter has changed my life! I cannot thank you enough. I hope you will have time to send some more letters. They assist me in forgiving Tony and I can make it through one more day. Thank you from The bottom of my heart, Sunshine! Your friend was correct in saying your messages can be described as magical. My only regret is that I didn’t write you sooner.

You see I have been mourning Tony for five years and until your letter, I have cried myself to sleep night after night, since the day we lost him! I have attempted to hide my sadness, but my daughter, who is now 15, begged for me to get help. She said she misses her daddy and she is beginning to feel hatred towards her brother because of it.

When she said she could hate her brother is when something snapped in my head! Was I actually HATING my son for doing what he did? I knew I Hated myself, but I thought my mourning was because I Loved and missed him so much. I do not want my daughter or myself to hate Tony.

Then, out of complete desperation, I wrote that first letter to you. I did not have any expectations that you would return a response nor if it would help me heal.

I am here to tell you that letter…Changed My Life! I still have a great deal of healing to do and am hoping you will continue to assist me. My daughter has already noticed a difference in me, in this short amount of time.

When she asked what I was ‘doing’ to heal? I replied with enjoying some Sunshine 🌞.

Thank You Sunshine for everything! My letter from my son was the best medicine. (Yes, I know it was from you, but it helped me so much and you even signed it the way he always did! Thank you!).

I have written him another letter and am sending it to you separate from this one. I hope you do not mind, I looked up your favorite color and am sending my letters in that color to ensure they do not become mixed up in the many other letters you receive.

Thank you, once again, for assisting me. I know you are extremly busy and I so appreciate you taking on my case!

One more thing… I made a donation to your PayPal, I do hope it is more than enough.

Thank you, Charles

I read his letter at least twenty times. I was puzzled & confused.

Didn’t I write him a letter explaining how I couldn’t help? Hmmmm…my mind was racing with questions. Who was the young lady? Who is Charles? And how did he receive a letter from his son, yet from Sunshine? I didn’t write it!

The next few days I felt quite intrigued. I went to the post office every day for five days…Nothing! Oh of course there were a few more pieces of junk mail, but definitely not a Pink letter addressed to Sunshine. I had mixed emotions. Some days I hoped a letter would arrive and other days I felt like it was a hoax. Then…

IT HAPPENED! All alone, no advertisements, other letters, nothing was in my PO Box except 1 hot pink envelope addressed to Sunshine!

Instead of smelling like cherry cigars and tears it smelled of strawberries and cream. I quickly retrieved the letter and practically ran to my car.

Recognizing, I should wait to read this at home…I tore it open, in the parking lot and began reading!

Dear Tony,

It is funny all of my therapist have instructed me to write you letters, but I refused. All this time I focused on your death and my own suffering. I am so sorry! Thank you for forgiving me and knowing how much I Love You!

I wish you didn’t have to go as early as you did, but I now understand a little better of your pain and suffering. I will try to keep my letters on the lighter side, but sometimes I May need to tell you about my sorrow. It seems to be a path to help me heal. I have been so angry with you for the past 5 years that I have missed out a great deal. I will try to do better. I Love You My Son! Thank you for taking the time to write back and letting me know you forgive me, for not being able to help you.

I must admit the young lady, Lindsey, has truly suffered a great deal. She blames herself for breaking up with you and everytime she sees Mom, Jessica or myself tears fill her eyes and she makes a point to hug us and tell us all she loves us.

I wish you would have held on a little longer. You would have recognized that the pain from the break up or from all the other pieces of your life, would pass.

Jeremy took your place as quarter back and he did okay. He is now attending Kansas State. He did not continue playing sports after graduation. However, before EVERY GAME…He would pull the team to huddle and shout over and over, “Win this for Tony!”

The year you passed they didn’t win a single game! But, Senior Year…We won STATE! With a great deal of tears! The team lifted Jeremy up and chanted, “WE WON IT FOR TONY!!!”

Your school counselor included you in her graduation speech and of course, so did the class president & your best friend Damon.

One comment was, “Tony’s body may have passed on, but his Great Big Happy Spirit guided us through to this day. Our final page the day we all spread our wings and fly. We hope you are smiling down on us and that we made you proud.”

Oh, how I have missed you! I am so sorry you regretted it the second after you pulled that trigger. I know how you feel, I have regretted many things the second you thought it was okay to leave us!

I will never ‘move on’ or forget you my Son! However, I do hope for more peace & understanding, especially now that I have your letter. And hope for many more to arrive.

Until next time, know that I Love You to the Moon & Back. I Love You for all eternity! I simply wish I could turn back time.

Love with All of My Heart, Daddy! 

At this point I can only infer what Tony had replied back with. How did this happen? What could or how could I have possibly sent a letter from his deceased son.

My mind could not calm down. I questioned everything. Yes, I Loved Providing Sunshine Messages, but did I lack the confidence neccessary to continue this? Hmmmm…my uncertainty turned into anxiety and I needed to pause for a mindful moment.

As I layed on my yoga mat and attempted to focus on my breath, I continued to see the young lady firmly holding ‘my letter’. And then her smirk on her face as she acted like I was irritating her! Her words swirled in my head, “Can you handle this?”

Who does she think she is? Questioning me? Who are you? And what if I cannot handle this?

My mindful moment was becoming a gripe session from all the events of the day. I tossed and turned until I slipped off into a afternoon nap.

Of course, my dreams included letters, request, snide remarks, people all swirling around and mixing together.

One message that seemed to stand out was, “Write him back.”

“Write Who?”

But the who did not seem to matter! I heard the message again and my response was extremely loud as I sat up, abruptly ending my nap, and shouted, “Write WHO?”

I sat at my writing station, grabbed an ink pen and began to write. To who? No one. I simply wrote words that came to me. Some made sense others did not. I simply continued to listen to my mind…Happy that I communicate some love enjoy little laugh more never put a period no ending just beginnings journeys with you I journey with you alot ventures tough I am help yes healing forgive all allow happy love your guy Tony

I read it 100 times. I questioned do I send this to Charles? It doesn’t even make sense. I mean I guess it does a little bit, but not really. Maybe I should edit it? Nope, that answer was clear. What did I do? I addressed the envelope to Charles I took a trip to the post office and I mailed it!

When Charles received the letter he immediatly emailed me…”Thank You, Sunshine!”

To be Continued: if you would like to read more of ‘Tony’s Letters’ Stay tuned because we are releasing this story one surprise at a time!

Livelove & Carry On!

Written by: Teena/Sunshine Drake!

Suicide Survivor…How Sunshine Messages Evolved

It is now afternoon on December the 7th, 2018. I have done everything to avoid writing this blog post. I mean EVERYTHING from clean the dishes, take a short nap, meditate, I even worked out to STOP this post from being written. However, no matter what…it is what, it is and this heartfelt, deep, writing is much-needed.

Before I write any more, I must ask for your spiritual uplifting thoughts. For me as well as for you. This will be a posting that is like none other, I have ever written, but it is from the depths of my Valleys that I dare to share this story. My intentions are to inspire, encourage, motivate, and uplift you to live a full life. Not a humdrum life, but rather a spirit filled and led life. One of forgiveness, understanding, contribution, and LOVE above all else. If you will do everything in life including speak, teach, and be with LOVE in the center of your intentions, You will always LIVE and KNOW that you are loved, even in the darkest of valleys. For my part in your reality, I love you, I am so sorry, Please Forgive Me and Thank YOU! Thank YOU!

One year ago, I hosted my very first Happy Celebration! I spent the money to have food, a venue, invites, the entire ‘EVENT’ to celebrate the opening of my company Livelove LLC. I had great intentions, but as the flu reports rose and the snow began to blow, we were sure very few people would be venturing out. However, my friends, mom, and one man…did show. Therefore, the show must go on! I gave a shortened version of my speech/ seminar and the man who was ‘just passing thru’ stayed. After he enjoyed some snacks and listened intently he said, “You are on to something! Keep on telling this story. LOOK & SEARCH for people to tell your message to.”

I did not know this man it was our first encounter. He had a sweet spirit and was extremely encouraging. Later on my co-worker explained his circumstances and I dismissed the entire event. 

Until, today! I actually thought of this man two other times, throughout the year. Once was at a local pub, my husband and I visited one time, since we were back in town and the following day. 

You see this man’s words rang through my head the entire year. I would hear his almost appearing to be a plead, he would say, “Don’t quit sending out this message, you are on to something!”

When I mentioned seeing him out and about to my colleague, I was told some very sad news. This man had decided, planned, & completed SUICIDE! I began to weep as soon as I heard! 

Yes, I wept for the loss of another life. I wept for his family, children, and friends. But just as you are reading this and relating it to your own life, I was doing the same! I wept for my life! I wept in gratefulness that I didn’t follow through with my contemplations. During my deepest darkest valleys, I too could have been another statistic. Another lost soul, begging to find a BETTER FEELING. 

I can remember after my accident going to sleep at night and wishing to not wake up only to think the next morning how darn thankful… I did. I still cannot share with you all of my deepest valley times because my strength and new vibrations are focused on shining brighter. However, I can tell you I have been at my lowest…with a plan, process & all. Yet, I am so grateful I am a survivor! If you feel weak, depressed, and alone hold on tight to a happier color, a fun song or even a small compliment. You cannot imagine how many people who really do love you and I promise, “This feeling will PASS!” 

You are important to someone. I PROMISE! This particular man lost hope like so many others I know. And the truth is they themselves did not complete the act out of spite to hurt you, their loved ones. In fact, the complete opposite is true. Many survivors will tell you they did not go through with it because they feared of hurting others. Not the other way around. That means that people who completed the act, simply felt like your life was better off without them. And still, afterwards, they do not want you to feel guilty or avenge their legacy. Instead, finding your own happiness is what they desire most. Ensuring that you NEVER FEEL LESS THAN is their greatest wish. 

Fast Forward from a year ago and today. This year has been a blur to me. It has been full of changes, loopty loops, and flip arounds. As I reflect on 2018 many emotions have occurred, all beneficial. Sunshine Messages came about, close to the time the man I mentioned before, passed away. And today they serve many people. Whether they are struggling with Suicidal thoughts or dealing with other ‘life’ events. Sometimes they serve only to brighten someone’s day. 

Many people ask me what Sunshine Messages are and where they come from and my shortest version of an answer is, “As I lay in the bed day after day, I would pray for easement, understanding, & a brighter day. My heart would feel heavy for fear I was not ‘doing’ anything ‘worthwhile.’ I begged for answers. Why? Why did this happen to me? Why have you forsaken me? Was I so BAD that I must endure such torment and pain? What about him, her, or even them…their wretched ways. Yet they are allowed to carry on? Why? Why me?”

My Answer, “Because you know a better way. You understand the light and how to vanish the fright. Because you agreed to be a messenger of hope, happiness, and LIGHT! Because you were born with this gift and you needed to be reminded. Because you are you and now you see, it is time to let your visions FREE!”

My Response, “SO YOU had to break my leg, allow me to suffer, feel defeated, beaten & broken? I was on my KNEES (which hurt even more)! Begging for answers, yet nothing? My anger rises to the sky! MY QUESTIONS are SHARP and FIERCE! Hey HELLO, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ME? I AM ONE OF THE GOOD GALS? I am trying to do as you ask, but dag on how much more can I take?”

My Answer, “Not much more, be still, be patient, & LISTEN. Enjoy each person. Enjoy each moment. Only speak from your heart what your true desires are. BE PATIENT!”

My response, “Still here! Waiting!

Me, “Hello?”

Me, “Are you there?”

Me, “Am I CRAZY?”

My Answer, “Only in a fun way. LOL. You are Sunshine! You are shinning BRIGHT! When you receive the message act. When you question…pause, be still, & listen. Perfection is not the goal, because it is a label. Rather uplifting, spirit-filled, happiness, and JOY now those are the GOALS!” 

FF today, YOUR SUNSHINE MESSAGE, “YOU ARE AMAZING! I am in AWE of YOU! YES, YOU! YOU are just like me, you are chosen to live a life full of joy, laughter, happiness, and love. Ask for what you desire. Live enjoying the blessings no matter how great or small! If you are struggling at this moment…feel the emotion and ask yourself ‘Why do I feel this way?’ I guarantee it is something from the past. Isn’t it time to LET IT GO? Not you or anyone else can reverse the past to assist us with the present! Goodness, everyone would change something if they could, instead think of how you want to feel tomorrow? How do you want to be treated? What does your life look like tonight, tomorrow, or next week? Guess what? That vision will come to fruition. If today is not a good day, hold on tight because tomorrow will be better. Perfect? Define it? If it is unachievable, then by all means, change your vision around until it fits perfectly with you! 

If you are like Teena and many others who are Suicide Survivors, take time to be grateful for this moment. Dwell on all the Beauty in your life that you would have missed had that Valley time ‘got you’. You are beautiful! You are AMAZING! YOU need to SHINE! Share your story. Ask someone if they need a little boost. Send out love for others. And take care of yourself too!

Thank you for allowing me to share this message with you! Sending you relief, awareness, understanding, love & a great deal of laughter. Because life is about having fun & DO NOT FORGET THAT! 

I attended a seminar about the prevention of Suicide a week ago and I learned so much. However, the most important lesson I have learned is, If you are worried about someone…ASK! Ask the question, “Are you okay? Are you suicidal?”

Lesson learned! 

Livelove

&

Carry On

Sunshine Messages/Teena Drake

 

 

 

Watch “First Attempt Nonedited, Sound Bath” on YouTube

I truly am in awe of my new found skill set. I took these pictures and created this video, but the best part is I produced the music!

When I first sent this to my dad he asked about the pics but didn’t realize that was my music. I laughed and said, “It wasn’t about the photos that was My music or vibrational pleasing sounds.”

I recognize there needs to be some editing done, but I felt like someone needed for me to share!

Without further blabbing from me…go ahead and click on my first attempt at assisting you with happy vibrations!

While you are there subscribe to my YouTube channel so you won’t miss my next recordings!

If you are feeling UGH or at the end of your rope…please I am urging you to realize we all have cruddy times but I promise if you will hold on…one more minute this too shall pass!

Livelove

&

Carry On

Copywrite and written by Teena Drake

Livelove.teena@gmail.com

suicide? Suicide? SUICIDE?

This picture is on a house boat with Darion Drake and Matt Reed, when they were little. Although his memory will always live on, his physical form was taken from us. Why? Because he couldn’t see a better way! Isn’t it time we show others, there is always a choice. A choice to live. If life feels ‘too much’, pause, breathe and hold on…THIS TOO WILL PASS!

I will never ever forget the moment, I received this crazy phone call! “Teena, Matt has killed himself!”

I rubbed my eyes, cleared my throat and asked,”What? Did you say Suicide?”

“Yes, he is gone!”

(This is not a posting to upset anyone, but it needs to be written!)

I woke Eric up and we both broke down and began to sob. Heart broken, angry, hurt and deeply saddened were just a few emotions, we were experiencing.

You see this was extremely unexpected, because Mathew had been through this exact same horrific experience, with his older brother. He was a teenager and it happened right before his birthday. So you can imagine why we never thought Matt was capable of repeating the event.

However, sadly he did! Leaving his sister, mother and nephew with voids, never to be filled.

Let me tell you about Mathew Reed!

He had a spirit of LIVING! He loved cars, helping others, his family (especially his wonderful nephew). He was a ball of energy. Always willing to lend a helping hand and he could make you laugh until you peed your pants!

At his visitation, I heard the same thing over and over again. “Why? He was such a great person. Why?”

I wish I could answer such a simple question, as to why? But I can’t. Instead, I want to illuminate his life and hopefully help someone else. As I write, in almost ALL of my postings, NO ONE CAN CHANGE THE PAST! I, nor you can reverse what has been done. Yes, you can receive strength to carry on, but once any act or deed is done, it is done.

However, I do believe, my loving Mathew Reed and I can help someone. Someone who is hurting, contemplating and feels stuck.

You see IF we could have stopped this, Matt would probably be preparing for a fun filled night of hanging with his friends. Texting me at midnight to just wish me Happy New Years and laughing about all the crud he has been through. However, none of those events can or will happen.

Sad? Yes! Change it? No 😔!

Learn from him? Definitely 😎!!

If Matt could speak to you right now he would say, “Hold on. Pause. Breathe Deeply. And LIVE ON!”

It’s okay to feel…anyway you want to feel. But please continue to remember, ‘This too will pass.’

I love you Mathew Reed and will continue to send out your message.

God Bless

Please, I beg of you, help me to help others. Tell someone today, that no matter what, it’s going to be okay. It will work out and this to will PASS!

Livelove

&

Carryon

Www.livelovellc.org

Livelove.teena@gmail.com

To my friend in a valley…

You are okay!

Yes! You are okay!

Look up, look up, LOOK UP!

My friend who is looking down…

Look up! Feel the warmth beaming in

The valley is for healing & nurturing

While here, look around & heal

Enjoy your nurturing friends

Bask in the sun like a sleepy cat

Heal, repair and rest

Be grateful for the valley & all it is

Now it is time to LOOK UP!

Your new journey is coming up

Now is your time to plan, heal gather

For the funfilled, scary (at times), road

The road – back up on the crest

Leave your worries in the valley

The nurterers will dispose of them

As you stand up to begin the journey

Inhale & exhale & smile

For it will be fun & as long as

You are following your bliss

Your next valley will not be so deep!

(Notice what punctuation sign is missing?)

More Determined than EVER!!!!

Today we say goodbye to our sweet God son Matt Reed. Although my heart is hurting for our loss, it hurts even more that I couldn’t help. Suicide is a difficult act to understand, what were they thinking, how could I have helped, was I not paying attention? The questions race through everyone’s minds when this kind of tragedy occurs.

For me, losing Matt in this fashion creates even more determination. I am determined to provide anyone who wants to live a life full of happiness, laughter, love and understanding, I will share all I know and learn.  

My promise to you is to provide you with the proper tools to create a journey filled with whatever you choose. Yes, all of us have tragedy, sadness, negative energy, or incidents beyond our control. However, YOU decide how you live life. Begin today!!!

Each time you feel terrific today write it down. Not necessarily in sentence form. Title it feel good or happy moments, then write them down as they occur. For example: 

MY HAPPY PLACES: 

  • Camping
  • Listening to oldies music on river with loved ones
  • Salon
  • Driving
  • Making love
  • My front porch
  • Writing

As you can see the list is to help you be aware of the ‘happy’ people, places, or events. These do not stop all negativity, but they definitely detour those events. 

If I were to line all the people I know or who I am associated with, who committed suicide, I know without a doubt each one would say, “I wish I could take it back. I didn’t mean to hurt the ones I love!!! I simply did not see any alternative.” 

You see anyone who chooses to take their own life was not thinking how will or do my loved ones feel. Many entitle it selfish, but I can’t. Instead, I choose to use misinformed. Not enough information on who, what, when, where, why, and how to seek, find and enjoy their own happiness!!! 

Life is meant to live!!! Why not choose to enjoy the journey? Will every moment be perfect? No! However, keep allowing, visualizing, accomplishing, setting goals and focus on feeling TERRIFIC!!! As long as you create a habitual way of living in the vibration of ‘being happy’ you will always stop, think, feel the bad feeling then quickly switch your emotions to a better vibration. It can be as quick as a snap of your fingers. Each time I feel down and out I quickly find a pen and paper. Writing is my quick way to change emotions. You will find yours! 

Take time out of your busy schedule today to pause…pause for suicide victims, pause for the loved ones who have lost someone to suicide. Next find a happy thought for you and share it with the world! Post it, photograph it whatever it takes find the feel good vibration. You can actually help all who have been affected by this empty feeling by teaching others there is an easier way and it is much more fun. Teach yourself and loved ones how to find their own happiness, share what you have learned.

Sadly, I can’t bring back the ones we have already lost! However, I am determined to teach others how to carry on. You can help!!! Glorify your loved ones who have taken their own lives by helping others to make a happier choice!!! 

; until we meet again Matthew Reed I will continue to pray, smile and share the knowledge of enjoying life. God Bless You!!!

Carry On and Have Fun!!! 

Livelove 💖💖💖💖💖